Monday, December 3, 2012

Ho Hey!

Did you read that last post? Wow pretty crazy, deep shit right there. Now I'm out of my funk!


Feeling large and in charge! Especially large, fricking Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was a new adventure for me this year. My parents flew to Hawaii, so I was all alone and feeling sad (see last post). Fortunately I got to pick them up. At the airport. In Seattle. On FUCKING Thanksgiving! Everyone was like "Oh there won't be a lot of traffic on Thanksgiving night." They had to be smoking crack. It. Was. Awful.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

First two weeks before Thanksgiving I was pretty sure that I was going to my neighbors house for Thanksgiving. I had talked to him about it and he invited me, which I accepted thankfully because no one else had invited me yet.

Then once word hit the town that my parents where outta town and I was going to be a poor sad only child all by myself for Thanksgiving, the offers came like crazy. My friends, mom's friends, my neighbors at work, my other neighbors at home, my family all over the state. In the end I was invited to 11 Thanksgivings.

I thanked everyone (I was beyond moved and cried a lot) and told them I was going to stick to my original plan to go to Matt's house. Matt came into my office on Wednesday and told me that his uncle (my dad's favorite person) was in the hospital. He needed a triple by-pass and had a giant infection on his foot from an untreated injury.

I told him don't worry about me. Called Milly and she told me to come to her huge family Thanksgiving. When I got there on Thanksgiving there were 26 of us. I have never been to a big family Thanksgiving like that. We had twelve people at the most when I was a kid and my grand parents were still alive. Needless to say it was insane! Too many people not enough room to move and a LOT of alcohol flowing. It was pretty awesome.

After I went to Milly's house to play a couple card games before I had to leave to get my parents. I checked their flight to see if it was going to be late. No it was going to be a half hour early. I switched cars to my mom's Impala. And was on my way in the some of the most congested traffic I had ever seen. It was still moving but going under the speed limit. I finally got the the cell phone lots at Sea-tac and had to pee soooooooooo bad. But I couldn't find the Port-a-Potty. I finally found it and it was disgusting as usual. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of communicable disease now. My parents called and I picked them up and told my dad I was driving.

He said that was fine but then he started yelling at me every five seconds to switch lanes. The Impala has huge blind spots and I hate merging lanes so we fought a little about that. We finally got home four hours after I left. Such a happy Thanksgiving.

The next day I went to Annie's house for her Thanksgiving and it was a ton of fun. Then we had a really little family Thanksgiving on Sunday with my parents.

All in all, I had a great time and love it this year. Plus I never had to do dishes! SCORE!

Uncle Bill (Matt's Uncle) had his triple by-pass last week and is moving to a rehab facility near my work today. I am going to go visit him tomorrow I think. He is doing well and walking around a little.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Crushing, Pulsing, Squeezing

I really have no problem being alone.

Which is a complete lie. It is crushing on the inside, to not have someone to share the simplest things with. The little things, inside jokes and stolen kisses. I truly believe that in the long run, it’s the little things that matter the most and when you’ve never had them it hurts even more. When you have a bad day, you have no one to comfort you. When something amazing happens to you, there is no one cheering you on. No one to claim your heart when it’s reaching out for someone.

The longing pulses through your veins, knowing you’re all alone. It’s all you own fault. You push everyone away. No one in your life wants to be with you because you won’t let them. You are a sounding board for all your friends and never let anyone else see how much pain you’re in. That you are down this deep whole that they can’t help you out of. You wonder how you became this way in the first place. What happened to you to so badly damage you.

It squeezes the heart to pretend to be ok. To look alright on the outside but to be utterly jealous of your friends, co-workers, even your own parents. And your friends and family know it’s all an act but it’s this unspoken elephant in the room. No one wants to talk about how someone could be so badly damaged that they can’t even talk to someone because they are so scared. Scared to be rejected, or heartbroken. To have to put walls up someone one can truly see you. Make sure no one can know who you really are. To be the person who is destined to be alone is the most depressing thing in the world.

My biggest wish in the whole world is to be loved, and to love back. Seems so simple but it’s impossible. Or at least it seems so for now.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Random Thought #13

Why are they called Spelling Bees? It seems like a horrible name for a spelling contest.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Friendly Conversations

I was talking to Annie last night:

Annie: I don't know if it's because I'm getting old or if it's because I've gained a little weight but I hate jeans.

Me: Oh. My. God. I totally know what you're talking about.

Annie: I went out to dinner with Josh last night and I couldn't wait to get home to put on my yoga pants.

Me: I think it's all socially acceptable pants I hate, all I wear is slacks at work and I immediately put my sweats on when I get home.

Annie: All I ever want to wear is yoga pants, all day every day.

Me: I really don't know why we can't?

Annie: Yoga Pants...

Me: I know.

Yet I see teenagers in the grocery store wearing pajamas and slippers and I hate them, maybe I'm just jealous.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Even this post depresses me.

I’ve been depressed lately, probably because I’ve been too busy and whenever I go out to have fun it’s a let down. Most of August I was house sitting,. I didn’t get to see much of my friends, and when I did it was pretty much me being all sober and them not. Which most people can tell you is not a ton of fun. Some fun things happened:

I went to a Hootie concert, you know that Darius Rucker guy. It was very fun.

I baby-sat my 4 year old (5 years old today) nephew for 30hrs straight. That was good birth control.

I went out on the boat a couple times. Got a warning ticket even tough I wasn’t driving and didn’t own the boat.

I went to the Ellensburg rodeo, didn’t see the rodeo but I went. That’s a whole ‘nother story.

Mostly I’ve spent a lot of time all by myself with various animals. Watching crappy reality TV and reading romance novels. The books are probably what is throwing me down this dark hole. I really shouldn’t read them anymore but they’re so easy and I’m bored. I need a vacation. Something to look forward to. Anything.

Monday, July 30, 2012

The craziest thing I have ever seen

This place I'm house sitting is adorable. It's a custom made cabin in the woods with an acreage. Two dogs, Rufus and Bristol and two cats, Princess and Beaumont. I met this woman through a friend. I don't really know her very well but I went over and met her, her two children and their animals about a week before they went on vacation. When I first met them, the bigger lab Rufus stuck to my side the entire time and I could tell he was the alpha dog between the two. The other dog Bristol is a little smaller but still a full grown lab. She was very hyper when I first met her and she just kept dropping her ball at my feet. The cat princess has some definite "cattitude".  The chubby tabby runs around the house like it is all hers and yells at you until you pet her and while you pet her. Beaumont was no where to be seen when I was over there the first time. So the first thing I do when I arrive to start the job is play with the animals. Rufus was sad, I could tell. He came over to greet me them immediately went to go lie at the end of the driveway. He was waiting for his family to come home. Bristol went and found a ball and I found the Chuck-it (the greatest invention in the dog world) and we played for about a half hour. Then I went inside, left the door open and I finally saw Beaumont and I completely understood his name. He is gorgeous. I think he is some sort of Siamese mix. He is dark brown and tan with blue eyes. He was friendly and I pet him but he went outside. I went to go pet Princess and sat on the couch. She jumped (waddled) onto my lap. While petting her, Bristol came in the room and dropped her ball at my feet. Princess hissed and swiped at her. Then in slow motion it happened: Bristol backed away a few feet then this brown blur streaked across the room and wrapped himself around Bristol attacked her in a split second. It was Beaumont! Princess also started taking swings at the full grown lab but then ran away. Beaumont was still attacking Bristol and she jumped on my vacated lap. Beau then just stood his ground on the floor next to the couch, growling the lowest, most vicious sound I have ever heard. Bristol cowered on the couch. I just sat there with my mouth open trying to believe what I had just seen. I have never seen a cat full-out attack a large dog before. Beaumont eventually left in disgust. I checked Bristol for wounds and found none. I felt bad for her so we went back outside to play with her ball. Both cats were out and staying in there own area on the porch. Rufus was still at the end of the driveway waiting (he is much better now and has decided they aren't coming home for a while and has perked up quite a bit). I started throwing the ball for Bristol and again Beaumont came out from under the porch and started chasing her. It was insane. He is one bad ass cat. In the last couple of days I have noticed that Bristol will not go anywhere near the cats but that Rufus and the cats have no problem with each other. It is so strange, wonder if the cats can feel Bristol's energy or something? She is very hyper and Rufus, Princess and Beaumont are all very relaxed. I will never forget that one moment though it was so crazy.

I don't have enough time to write on here because I'm busy doing nothing

Although not completely true, I feel that the title of this post best describes why I haven't posted in four weeks. I have started to write three separate drafts but I got distracted by my job and now I can't remember what I was going to say in most of them. Since I last wrote I have done a ton of stuff. I had a mediocre 4th of July. The weekend after was much more exciting. My neighbor had his annual party at his house and I had to literally drag my parents away in the early hours of the morning. I went out on the Sea Doos with my friends and then we celebrated my best friend's mom's 60th birthday. The next weekend of the 14th, I went to an old friend's house for her birthday party which I enjoyed even though I was kicked out of my tent for a couple minutes while people defiled it. The next weekend of the 21st, I did absolutely nothing and thoroughly enjoyed it. This weekend, I started my busy season of house sitting. I am currently watching two houses, staying at one with two dogs and two cats. The other house is just a cat and a guinea pig. They both come back on Friday and I start two new houses. Then in another week I start another house while babysitting my nephew. It should be interesting. Also this weekend I went over to my friend, Milly's sister-in-laws house and had an awful dreadful time while I watched everyone get ridiculously drunk. I don't understand why they thought they were having a good time when everyone was just fighting but hey, it's just not my lifestyle. One thing I saw this week was the oddest, coolest thing I have ever seen.

This deserves it's own post:

Monday, July 2, 2012

Random Thought #12

Where did the expression "Balls to the wall" come from. I might be naive here but I get the impression "balls" means testicles, but to the wall? Hmm... I have to look this up.
Shit! You learn something new every day people, for example:

Borrowed from

Balls to the wall

Dave Wilton, Saturday, April 08, 2006

The phrase balls to the wall, meaning an all-out effort, comes from the world of aviation. On an airplane, the handles controlling the throttle and the fuel mixture are often topped with ball-shaped grips, referred to by pilots as (what else?) balls. Pushing the balls forward, close to the front wall of the cockpit increases the amount of fuel going to the engines and results in the highest possible speed.
The earliest written citation is from 1967, appearing in Frank Harvey’s Air War—Vietnam:
You know what happened on that first Doomsday Mission (as the boys call a big balls-to-the-wall raid) against Hanoi oil.1
You’re in good hands with Gen. Disosway as long as you go in on those targets balls to the wall. Never mind the brownie points.2
Several Korean War-era veterans have written me noting their use of the term during their service. The phrase may very well date to this earlier war, although we have no written evidence for it.
There are two common misconceptions about the phrase. The first is that it is a reference to a part of the male anatomy.
The second is that it arose in railroad work. A speed governor on train engines would have round, metal weights at the end of arms. As the speed increased, the spinning balls would rise--being perpendicular to the walls at maximum speed. But there is no evidence to support either of these two stories. No use of the phrase is known to exist prior to the mid-1960s, and all the early cites are from military aviation.

1Frank Harvey, Air War--Vietnam (New York: Bantam Books, 1967), 144.
2Ibid., 150.

Copyright 1997-2012, by David Wilton
Word Origins please don't sue me for posting this!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Olivia Munn, please hang out with me!

I like to listen to audible books while I drive. Since at any time I like to just get in my car and drive until I feel better, I get a lot of audible books from the library and they have a ton of them. I like to get fiction usually, but I also enjoy biographies by funny ladies or men, but mostly ladies. I’m currently listening to Suck it Wonder Woman by Olivia Munn. I knew about Olivia from The Daily Show and some movies and I also knew she was like a geek goddess. She has an entire geek following and I’m a bit of a geek. So I thought this should be good, I’ll have a good laugh. Unfortunately, I LOVE it! I now have a full-on girl crush on Olivia Munn. I want to be her friend and braid her hair then watch some Lord of the Rings and comment on how awesome Samwise Gamgee is. At the end of her book she has these questions she answers in hypothetical situations and they matched all my answers. Except the TMNT question because of course I’d take Donatello with me to face Shredder, the rest of the turtles are just jackasses. And to be perfectly honest, I am in no shape to fight Shredder all by myself. Really, Olivia if you ever read this I’m not as crazy as I seem, even though my entire blog title suggests it. I’m a perfectly normal but bad-ass chick who just might pee my pants If I ever meet you. And, bonus, I make delicious pies!

Monday, June 4, 2012

My nothing weekend

I really needed this weekend. I did absolutely nothing but read Pride and Prejudice. I also mowed the lawn. That is it. It was weird to think that when I got into my car this morning that it hadn't moved since Friday afternoon. Not only was it a really relaxing weekend, I didn't spend any money! I'm rich! I actually have cash money in my wallet! That is all I have to say.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Photoshop... you make me feel bad

My mom is taking a photography class. She is slowly easing into retirement by only working two days a week and doing as much as possible on her five-day weekend. Listening to the things she's been doing is exhausting. The one thing I really like is her photography class. I always wanted to take one but never had the time or money to do it. She bought a new expensive camera and she also bought Photoshop. I was super excited to play with her new stuff. I took the camera into the woods and tried for some "artistic" pictures. They all looked horrible so I deleted them all. Then I did what all crazy people do and started to take pictures of my cats. After about a hundred pictures, I decided to give the cats a break and play with the Photoshop. I had some pictures from New Years on my mom's computer. I decided to touch them up. I got rid of the stubborn acne (I'm 27 when is it going away!)  I brightened my teeth and the white parts of my eyes and cropped out the larger parts of me. Then I did something I shouldn't have done. I posted it on Facebook. People I haven't talked to in years started "liking" it and commenting on how beautiful I looked. This morning when I looked at it I felt horrible. That picture is a lie! How can models in magazines handle this kind of guilt? All they ever do is live a lie. But I do look really good in that picture. I'm not taking it down. I'm just going to have to learn to live with this guilt.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Random Thought #11

Do mermaids ever get sunburns? I'm sure they do if they are laying on a rock or on land. But do they get one of those refelective sunburns the water gives you. Another thought, do they get cancer? Sharks don't get cancer, but would mermaids? Mermaids are such a mystery to me. My favorite movie growing up was the Little Mermaid, my best friend and I would fight about who got to play her when we were playing. She probably should have won, she had the red hair. I just really wanted to be one.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I shouldn't let it bother me so much

I have a person in my life that I really shouldn’t give the time of day. But the thing is, I feel sorry for them. This person has very little friends and has no one to tell their problems to. I am their number one confidante. But I really am starting to hate them. I’m sick of being belittled and told I’m not smart enough. I’m sick of being told the things I do are wrong and I’m not educated. I’m sick of resenting this person because their problems are ridiculous. They never do anything to correct their problems and never take my advice. They are 100% narcissistic. I can’t get rid of them or just ignore them. This person is someone who will be in my life forever. I’m being very vague here and I have to be. I just really wish they could be a normal person but they never will be.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

What I've learned from "I didn't know I was Pregnant"

After watching I didn't know I was Pregnant for four hours the other day, I learned the following:

1. The girls on it (mostly) don't know how to take birth control correctly.
2. It seems like labor is like having extremely bad menstrual or gastrointestinal cramps.
3. The people they get to reenact the events never look anything like the real people.

Also, I'm really glad I've been celibate for so long because that shit is terrifying.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I thought I was hearing voices...

I just went to my local library, it was like Norm walking into Cheers. Except with whispering.

Happy Anniversary Blog!

It was one year ago today that I published my first post on my first blog. It was just a rambling piece of nonsense but it was my first step of doing something that I always wanted to do, which is have a journal. A journal so I won't forget. Or at least something I can read when I don't remember.  This blog means a lot to me. I'm pretty much the only person that reads it but that is completely fine with me. to me my blog is a place where I can vent and a place where I can rejoice and be sad. I can do what ever I want here and not be judged. This is my place of peace of mind. All I need to do to clear my mind is rock out a few sentences. Happy anniversary The Luxury of Lunacy! This lunatic needs you.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Surrogate for a Chihuahua

I'm not trying to turn this into a dream journal but this one is just to weird not to share.
I had another really weird dream, I became a surrogate mother for a Chihuahua. I went into labor and the dog that I was surrogating for also showed signs of labor and I asked why. The people (I have no idea who they were) told me that dogs are different and they go into a false labor when someone else is having their puppies. At that point, they moved me into my family’s guest house, which, for some reason, my dad was in the process of remodeling and it was a construction site. So they found an old mattress and place in on the dirt ground and I put sheets on it. And some towels. I had a pretty good labor but the mother dog, that had turned into a cat by that time, was in a lot of pain. So I pull down my pants and what do you know there were already two puppies in my underwear. I pulled my underwear down and a bunch more puppies came out. This was shocking to me because I thought I was only having one. The last one out didn’t make it. I cried. Then another one also died. In the end, I had about nine girl puppies and five boy puppies. They were all white with black spots. Little Dalmatian Chihuahuas. I can definitely say that this is in my top five strangest dreams of all time. Right behind the Devil Turkey in my grandparents basement, the one where my mom kept getting ate by a bear and the one where I had to save the human child the a dolphin gave birth to. There is something really fucked up in my mind. 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I wish this dream was real, except for the pain

I had the weirdest dream last night. It’s all a jumble but the thing that stands out the most is I was dating Zac Efron. SCORE! And I hurt my arm. My arm kind of just flopped around. I remember it hurting really bad. I also remember my cousin John being there. Which is really weird because out of all of my cousins, I think about him the least and to be perfectly honest I don’t even like him. I don’t remember what he was doing there just that he was. And Annie too. I remember hiding in the back of a pick-up truck with a canopy on it with Zac. I kept telling him his eyes were pretty. Then I woke up with a start, which I have done several times this week. And I know why my arm hurt in my dream because I was sleeping on it and it was asleep. I hate it when that happens. But I have no explanation for the rest.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Milly Getting Married

Milly got married. I cried. It was a beautiful wedding. It had some hiccups but it was all worth it in the end. And now that it’s all done and over, I realized something. We are growing up. I know I’ve said it before but now it feels real. I always felt like I was pretending to be an adult. I still do, really. I don’t really want to spend time on this post trying to figure out how I ended up being a 27 year old child. I want to remember this wedding forever. The good and bad.
I’ll start with the bad because it’s still bugging me. First, I offered to do the flowers for the wedding as their wedding present. Did I mention the wedding was in Vegas? I know I have but it’s a factor in this issue so I thought I would mention it again. I should also mention that I procrastinated. I didn’t order the flowers until less then a week before the wedding. That is a confusing sentence but I’m time strapped right now so it will have to do. I knew it was going to cost a lot of money. More than I wanted to spend. Especially since I procrastinated so much. I ended up getting two dozen red roses and one dozen white for $110. I had to ship it to the hotel and when they arrived I had to pay a $6 fee for each box and there were two. Grrrr. Milly’s mom picked me up from the hotel and her resort she was staying at had a full size fridge so I could put them in there before the wedding since I got them the day before. When I opened the box I was pissed. First I only received 22 red roses and one of them had a broken stem. The reds were in really poor condition. The whites looked much better but were smaller then I had hoped for. This could all be fixed. I left them in water overnight and hoped they would fill out a little. Then next day was the wedding day. All us girls, Milly, Annie and I, went to the Sephora in the Planet Hollywood and got full makeup done. It was the best part of the day for me. I absolutely loved my makeup artist, Maya. She was so awesome and actually made me look glamorous. If anyone is ever in Vegas and wants their makeup done go to her please! Afterwards, Annie wanted a drink so we got a margarita by the yard and shared as we walked about a half mile to Milly’s hotel where the wedding was going to take place. When we finally got to the hotel, I knew we were going to be running late. But the weddings not going to start without her. Milly also decided at the last minute, like the previous day, I was going to be doing her hair. So I had two hours to do her hair, flowers, and get myself ready and do my own hair. Annie (Thank you anything that’s Holy that she was there!) Started the flowers. I started Milly’s hair. I actually did a really good job but it took a while. Annie ended up doing all the boutonnieres and the corsage. Then they both got dressed as I was finishing the bouquets. I started freaking out as Milly was in her dress and everyone else was almost done and I hadn’t even started on my hair yet. I basically stopped everything I was doing and stripped in front of everyone and got my bridesmaids dress on. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and curled my hair. While I did that Annie (MY BESTEST FRIEND FOREVER) finished the rest of the finishing touches on the flowers. We did the best we could but I still hated them, they looked cheap. Then the officiant started yelling at us that we needed to do pictures. So we all went out to the garden and Milly’s mom and aunt took pictures in the most unorganized fashion possible. I don’t think there is one of the bride and her parents.

Then the wedding happened. Other then the strange placement, I was behind a tree, it was beautiful. And sweet. I cried. My feet fucking hurt soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. As soon as they were pronounced man & wife. I ran and pulled my shoes off. But otherwise it was the best wedding I've seen so far.

The rest of the night went very well, I drank way too much champagne but I managed to give a funny and meaningful toast. A couple hours later, most of us piled into a hummer limo and went to the Stratosphere. I have been on the Big Shot ride before and decided once was enough. I turned into the drink holder for everyone while they went on rides. I’m not a very good drink holder, I tend to drink anything that’s in my hand. So I was very drunk. As I was waiting for everyone, I noticed that there were a lot of people dressed in white. The longer I waited the more people in white started showing up. Dom was the first person to come find me. I mentioned the people in white and he said he noticed it too. Then Milly’s Uncle Brad came up to us and asked what the deal was with all the people in white. Then he asked one of the people and apparently there was a business function going on. We continued to have a good time. Then I got separated from everyone again. It’s all a little fuzzy but everyone was at the bottom and were waiting for me. I was waiting for the elevator and it was taking forever. I noticed more and more people in white. I started to really freak out. I somehow convinced myself that they were a cult and they were there to blow up the Stratosphere. I called Annie and told her that if I died to tell everyone how I really felt. This is our little code we use when we are in actual fear for our lives. She told me to calm down and that the elevator would be there soon. And it was and I made it back safe and the Stratosphere didn’t blow up. All in all, it was a great night. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but no one has thanked me. No gift for the Maid of Honor. No thanks for my hair it looked great. No thank you for the flowers even though they looked awful. I’m very pissy about this. I spent about two thousand dollars on the wedding, lodging, bridal shower, dress, flowers, food, drinks. I am very butt-hurt. I just want a thanks so much for everything. I really appreciate it. I guess you just have to take the good with the bad, but I won’t ever forget it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Preparing for the End

I am listening to Seattle talk radio right now. Usually they report on the news and politics, but right now they are discussing the Zombie Apocalypse. They’re talking about how you must destroy the brain to kill a zombie. I think this is my favorite radio segment ever! Not only are they being completely serious (with a little bit of sarcasm), but they are giving good tips on how to survive. Awesome, this is so much better than hearing about kids shooting each other and what republican said what about the other republican. Maybe the Zombies will kill all the politicians first, or maybe they’re already zombies!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I am a genius!

Otter pops + wine = a glass full of delicious!

My last weekend with my friends

I only say last because we are all technically single right now. In four weeks, we won’t be anymore. I will, Annie and Joshua will, Milly and Dominic will be married. So we had a "last weekend" and got ridiculously drunk and had a fabulous time doing it. And for the one of the first times in my life, I got drunk before all of my friends because I let my control issues go and got down with my bad self. I usually am the one who takes it easy and takes care of the drunk people but no, not this time! They all came over to my house, and I made dinner (fajitas). Then we all had a nice talk while I sipped a glass of wine. Someone brought up cribbage and I got out the board and we played four person (Josh just watched since he’s new to crib) and this is when I started to get drunk. I hate playing cribbage with Dom and Milly. It is ALL they ever do. They can look at the cards and know what they have. It takes me a couple of seconds to count my cards. It makes me nervous because they just bark out what I have instead of letting me count. But I had Annie (who coincidentally was in the same math class as me and that’s how we became best friends in high school), who also needs time to count her cards. Milly and I were on a team and Dom and Annie where on a team. But things started out badly for me because, as my dad says, it’s 80% cards and 20% skill. If you get horrible cards, you can’t really do much. So I started to drink more. Then I didn’t give a shit about crib anymore and just wanted it to be over. Milly wanted a new partner and I wanted more wine. Finally Annie and Dom beat us by only five, which was amazing since I was getting shit cards. Then we played Things. I opened my second wine bottle. Things is an awesome game, the reader gets a category then everyone gets to write a guess. Then each person except the reader gets to guess what the others guessed. You can write the dirtiest, finniest things and the reader has to read them. I learned a lot that night, especially what a mushroom stamp it (don’t even ask). I don’t have any idea who won but that is the last thing I remember clearly. I do know that I wanted to go for a walk after that. I love walking in the woods when I’m drunk. I have no idea why. Annie went with me the first time. It was a short walk because I was drunk and tripped over some branches. We came back and Annie decided we should do some stair surfing. Stair surfing is when you get a mattress and slide down the stairs on it. I have been doing this since I was eight years old and no one has ever gotten hurt (foreshadowing!). I just happen to have a spare twin mattress that fits my strait staircase perfectly. Josh got a bunch of blankets and pillows and put them at the bottom of the stairs while Annie and I scoffed at him. Dom had passed out by now BTW, we tried to get him up several time but he wouldn’t have it. The first couple of times went great, and like I said I can’t remember quite clearly, but the first time Milly went, Josh and I were at the bottom and I, for some reason had my Ipod and filmed the whole tragedy of what happened. Annie was at the top telling her to just scutch forward and she would go on her own down the steps. Annie was pushing the mattress into place and Milly scutched to the front of the mattress a little too far. The mattress took off with Milly, she was too far forward and she fell off the front HARD on her butt on the stairs. I have the whole thing on tape and have watched it several times. It is hilarious. But she either bruised or broke her coccyx(tailbone). I didn’t know it at the time. She did tell us her butt hurt but we just laughed at her. And kept stair surfing. We all went a couple of time and even Josh, who dislocated his shoulder the week before snowmobiling, went down once. Then we went on another walk this time with Josh and then we came back and all went to bed. I woke up the next morning and immediately vomited and felt like shit. Also, for some reason my pinky fucking hurt so bad. Eventually more people woke up and I asked what happened to my pinky and Annie told me I hurt it stair surfing going down the stairs on my stomach(do not remeber that at all). As we were all getting ready for breakfast, Milly came out and we could all tell something was wrong. She said her butt really hurt and Josh wanted to take her to the ER. Milly’s a medical assistant, she said there was nothing they could do for her. She called her mom who had a stash of pain pills and she brought some over. Poor Milly couldn’t sit, and she just lay on the floor. The pills kicked in and she could get up and sit in her car and they went all went home. I learned a lot that night, like my friends cannot be trusted to not get hurt when I am drunk. And, even though they aren’t perfect, I love them. Milly’s fine, she still hurts but she went to the doctor and they gave her her own pills. Hopefully she’s better by her wedding. I can’t help but feel a little bit responsible she broke her ass.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Never Plan a Bridal Shower with someone you barely know.

Last weekend I threw my best friend Milly a bridal shower. It was a very stressful experience but it went fabulous. I’m really happy with the way it turned out in the end because it was one of the hardest things I have ever planned. It all started out about two months ago when Milly mentioned I was her Maid of Honor. This floored me. She’s getting married in Vegas and it was originally going to be an elopement. I always planned to go with her but I never really thought that it would end up the conventional wedding that it has turned into. It was a big secret for a while, I was the only one that knew and I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. Eventually, people started finding out. Let’s just say my friends like to drink and they can’t keep secrets. Soon Milly’s mom found out (I think her brother told her mom). That is when the shit hit the fan and it turned into an actual wedding. I knew all of this and still didn’t think I was going to be an actual part of the wedding until I mentioned I bought a dress. Milly got upset and I didn’t really understand why. That is when she mentioned the Maid of Honor thing. I have been a MOH once before for my cousin when I was 18. My cousin is a complete control freak and I really didn’t have to do anything. Being Milly’s MOH is a completely different story. For example, she is getting married in 4 weeks and just today secured a venue. She doesn’t want to plan anything and, being the control freak I am, it’s horrifying. So I didn’t think of a bridal shower until my friend, Annie, said something about it. The next day I started planning a Casino-themed party with just a couple of friends. That’s when it all turned on me. Her co-worker, let’s call her Janet for her privacy, called and said she was planning a bridal shower for her and we should merge ours. It sounded like a great idea! Plus, I would have someone else to help make decisions and brainstorm with. We kept making lunch dates to meet and discuss, unfortunately something always seemed to come up and one of us canceled. I’m not saying that I didn’t cancel (once) but Janet always seemed to have a meeting at lunch that she "forgot" about. One time, I drove all the way to town on my day off and waited for her to call me and tell me where we were supposed to meet, I was driving downtown and I saw her walking with Milly down the street. Obviously she blew me off. Milly called me that evening and said that she had asked Janet about it and she said she forgot. Anyway, we finally got together to buy decorations, and we got some really awesome stuff. I ditched the Casino theme long before so we went pink and zebra print. We got to the register and Janet looked at me and asked how I was going to pay. WTF! So I said I was going to planning to buy half of the decorations and I hoped she bought the rest. She did of course but I swear she wanted me to pay for everything. Finally, it was time for the shower and I was really nervous. I asked Annie to come and help decorate and thank God I did because guess who didn’t show up until ten minutes til the party? Janet got there and immediately apologized. Apparently, she had a horrible hangover from the night before. She told me this as people were staring to show up and I was desperately trying to get the last of the party favors together. AND THEN! She took credit for the entire party by introducing herself and getting everyone’s attention while I was still decorating. Regardless, Milly knew what was going on and she kept thanking me because she is awesome like that. Then Janet went up to Annie and thanked her for helping, and Annie said "Well Thank god I was actually here!" It was wonderful. But all in all, I was very proud of it and am glad at the way it turned out in the end. Next time I will work alone or at least work with someone I actually know.

Monday, February 13, 2012


I am having the hardest time finding peace in my mind. It's just incredibly chaotic in my head. It has also made it impossible to write anything. I can't even write my horrible poetry that I usually excel at when I'm like this. Things need to clam down in my life and I don't know how to make it. Plus, I hate this time of year. Valentine's Day can go fuck off. And my best friend is getting married in six weeks in Vegas. No time for Virginia. No time at all. I need serenity. I have to schedule it in, I guess.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I'm almost positive I'm psychic

Earlier today I wrote about feeling wrong. I was thinking I was going through a quarterlife crisis. Well my cousin just called me in tears, her dog was hit by a car and was killed. I considered this dog to be part mine. He was old, 11, and deaf and smelly. But when I was in high school I used to leave everyday at lunch to let him outside for ten minutes while she was at work. My cousin traveled a lot and I always took care of him. When she moved hours away and I would come to visit, he would alwaysbe the first to greet me. He would always sit by me whenever I was near. He never forgot me. And I will miss him so much. I understand the feelings from earlier today. A couple years ago my cat ran away while I was on vacation. The whole time I was gone I had a horrible feeling. I never called to check in, which is very unlike me. I knew. When I was eighteen, I was driving home from work one night and it was extremely foggy. I will never forget the ominous feeling I had on that drive home. When I did finally arrive home, my mother told me one of my cousins had died at the age of 23. That was the first time I knew before I found out. I don't really care for this superpower.

Something isn't right

I haven’t been sleeping well again. Three hours last night. I hate just lying there with the stupidest stuff racing through my mind. I get so sick of it. I turn on the TV to stop my mind from racing. Then, of course, I start watching TV. Last night there was a movie on that I’ve seen before called I’m with Lucy. I have no idea why but I love this movie. There really isn’t anything special about it. The only thing I find extraordinary about it is one of the characters is played but the same actor who played Elliot in ET. Except, he’s all grown up. And really cute too. Anyway I just have had this feeling lately of not being right. Like I’m not doing something, I should be doing. I get to work and I instantly feel sick, like really nauseated. I have a giant ball of anxiety in my chest. It’s like I’m in a fight against myself but I don’t know what I want. I have been on the verge of tears all day and I’m sure it’s not hormonal. Just the mention of an old man who was like a grandfather to me and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to cry. And just now, Adele "Someone Like You" is playing. I had to choke the tears back. I’m thinking this is a quaterlife crisis.

Monday, January 9, 2012

I just realized...

I'm probably not going to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. It's just occurred to me as I fell up the stairs for the third time this year. I'm too klutzy. And now I'm just completely depressed.

Oh, I had the scariest dream last night. It was about a serial killer who apparently lived in my house before I did. He was coming back to kill all of us and his warning was when the windows would bleed. I, of course, looked at the windows and there was blood running down them. So I ran downstairs and got a knife and waited. Then, for some reason, I figured out it was a dream and woke myself up. I was so freaking hot when I woke up. My cat had crawled under the blankets in the middle of the night and she was snuggled against my back and it was making me boil. I was so scared from my dream that I turned on my TV and searched for cartoons and petted her as she purred. There are no cartoons on at 5am. I almost put a dvd on but I was too scared to get out of bed so I watched the news which was really no help at all. Basically, I'm very tired today.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy Birthday to me!

I am officially one year older today. It's strange the way time tricks you. You spend so much time when you are young trying to be older, only to be older trying to be young. I decided a long time ago that I would never worry about gaining a year because that year is what makes me who I am. It's something to be proud of and I will never lie about my age. That being said, I am only human and do sometimes think "crap! I'm almost 30 and I have nothing to show for it." That's a lie though, I have a great family, wonderful friends, a job and my two furry babies that make me smile when I'm sad. The only thing I could ask for is a handsome stranger to sweep me off my feet. (Princess Disorder-Unlikely to happen) But whatever happens, happens. So, my goals for this year are as follows:

1. Learn to play the Ukulele I got for Christmas
2. Eat healthy, exercise more regularly
3. Enjoy myself, stress less
4. Let it be
5. Chase my dreams