Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I'm almost positive I'm psychic

Earlier today I wrote about feeling wrong. I was thinking I was going through a quarterlife crisis. Well my cousin just called me in tears, her dog was hit by a car and was killed. I considered this dog to be part mine. He was old, 11, and deaf and smelly. But when I was in high school I used to leave everyday at lunch to let him outside for ten minutes while she was at work. My cousin traveled a lot and I always took care of him. When she moved hours away and I would come to visit, he would alwaysbe the first to greet me. He would always sit by me whenever I was near. He never forgot me. And I will miss him so much. I understand the feelings from earlier today. A couple years ago my cat ran away while I was on vacation. The whole time I was gone I had a horrible feeling. I never called to check in, which is very unlike me. I knew. When I was eighteen, I was driving home from work one night and it was extremely foggy. I will never forget the ominous feeling I had on that drive home. When I did finally arrive home, my mother told me one of my cousins had died at the age of 23. That was the first time I knew before I found out. I don't really care for this superpower.

Something isn't right

I haven’t been sleeping well again. Three hours last night. I hate just lying there with the stupidest stuff racing through my mind. I get so sick of it. I turn on the TV to stop my mind from racing. Then, of course, I start watching TV. Last night there was a movie on that I’ve seen before called I’m with Lucy. I have no idea why but I love this movie. There really isn’t anything special about it. The only thing I find extraordinary about it is one of the characters is played but the same actor who played Elliot in ET. Except, he’s all grown up. And really cute too. Anyway I just have had this feeling lately of not being right. Like I’m not doing something, I should be doing. I get to work and I instantly feel sick, like really nauseated. I have a giant ball of anxiety in my chest. It’s like I’m in a fight against myself but I don’t know what I want. I have been on the verge of tears all day and I’m sure it’s not hormonal. Just the mention of an old man who was like a grandfather to me and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to cry. And just now, Adele "Someone Like You" is playing. I had to choke the tears back. I’m thinking this is a quaterlife crisis.

Monday, January 9, 2012

I just realized...

I'm probably not going to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. It's just occurred to me as I fell up the stairs for the third time this year. I'm too klutzy. And now I'm just completely depressed.

Oh, I had the scariest dream last night. It was about a serial killer who apparently lived in my house before I did. He was coming back to kill all of us and his warning was when the windows would bleed. I, of course, looked at the windows and there was blood running down them. So I ran downstairs and got a knife and waited. Then, for some reason, I figured out it was a dream and woke myself up. I was so freaking hot when I woke up. My cat had crawled under the blankets in the middle of the night and she was snuggled against my back and it was making me boil. I was so scared from my dream that I turned on my TV and searched for cartoons and petted her as she purred. There are no cartoons on at 5am. I almost put a dvd on but I was too scared to get out of bed so I watched the news which was really no help at all. Basically, I'm very tired today.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy Birthday to me!

I am officially one year older today. It's strange the way time tricks you. You spend so much time when you are young trying to be older, only to be older trying to be young. I decided a long time ago that I would never worry about gaining a year because that year is what makes me who I am. It's something to be proud of and I will never lie about my age. That being said, I am only human and do sometimes think "crap! I'm almost 30 and I have nothing to show for it." That's a lie though, I have a great family, wonderful friends, a job and my two furry babies that make me smile when I'm sad. The only thing I could ask for is a handsome stranger to sweep me off my feet. (Princess Disorder-Unlikely to happen) But whatever happens, happens. So, my goals for this year are as follows:

1. Learn to play the Ukulele I got for Christmas
2. Eat healthy, exercise more regularly
3. Enjoy myself, stress less
4. Let it be
5. Chase my dreams