Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Preparing for the End

I am listening to Seattle talk radio right now. Usually they report on the news and politics, but right now they are discussing the Zombie Apocalypse. They’re talking about how you must destroy the brain to kill a zombie. I think this is my favorite radio segment ever! Not only are they being completely serious (with a little bit of sarcasm), but they are giving good tips on how to survive. Awesome, this is so much better than hearing about kids shooting each other and what republican said what about the other republican. Maybe the Zombies will kill all the politicians first, or maybe they’re already zombies!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I am a genius!

Otter pops + wine = a glass full of delicious!

My last weekend with my friends

I only say last because we are all technically single right now. In four weeks, we won’t be anymore. I will, Annie and Joshua will, Milly and Dominic will be married. So we had a "last weekend" and got ridiculously drunk and had a fabulous time doing it. And for the one of the first times in my life, I got drunk before all of my friends because I let my control issues go and got down with my bad self. I usually am the one who takes it easy and takes care of the drunk people but no, not this time! They all came over to my house, and I made dinner (fajitas). Then we all had a nice talk while I sipped a glass of wine. Someone brought up cribbage and I got out the board and we played four person (Josh just watched since he’s new to crib) and this is when I started to get drunk. I hate playing cribbage with Dom and Milly. It is ALL they ever do. They can look at the cards and know what they have. It takes me a couple of seconds to count my cards. It makes me nervous because they just bark out what I have instead of letting me count. But I had Annie (who coincidentally was in the same math class as me and that’s how we became best friends in high school), who also needs time to count her cards. Milly and I were on a team and Dom and Annie where on a team. But things started out badly for me because, as my dad says, it’s 80% cards and 20% skill. If you get horrible cards, you can’t really do much. So I started to drink more. Then I didn’t give a shit about crib anymore and just wanted it to be over. Milly wanted a new partner and I wanted more wine. Finally Annie and Dom beat us by only five, which was amazing since I was getting shit cards. Then we played Things. I opened my second wine bottle. Things is an awesome game, the reader gets a category then everyone gets to write a guess. Then each person except the reader gets to guess what the others guessed. You can write the dirtiest, finniest things and the reader has to read them. I learned a lot that night, especially what a mushroom stamp it (don’t even ask). I don’t have any idea who won but that is the last thing I remember clearly. I do know that I wanted to go for a walk after that. I love walking in the woods when I’m drunk. I have no idea why. Annie went with me the first time. It was a short walk because I was drunk and tripped over some branches. We came back and Annie decided we should do some stair surfing. Stair surfing is when you get a mattress and slide down the stairs on it. I have been doing this since I was eight years old and no one has ever gotten hurt (foreshadowing!). I just happen to have a spare twin mattress that fits my strait staircase perfectly. Josh got a bunch of blankets and pillows and put them at the bottom of the stairs while Annie and I scoffed at him. Dom had passed out by now BTW, we tried to get him up several time but he wouldn’t have it. The first couple of times went great, and like I said I can’t remember quite clearly, but the first time Milly went, Josh and I were at the bottom and I, for some reason had my Ipod and filmed the whole tragedy of what happened. Annie was at the top telling her to just scutch forward and she would go on her own down the steps. Annie was pushing the mattress into place and Milly scutched to the front of the mattress a little too far. The mattress took off with Milly, she was too far forward and she fell off the front HARD on her butt on the stairs. I have the whole thing on tape and have watched it several times. It is hilarious. But she either bruised or broke her coccyx(tailbone). I didn’t know it at the time. She did tell us her butt hurt but we just laughed at her. And kept stair surfing. We all went a couple of time and even Josh, who dislocated his shoulder the week before snowmobiling, went down once. Then we went on another walk this time with Josh and then we came back and all went to bed. I woke up the next morning and immediately vomited and felt like shit. Also, for some reason my pinky fucking hurt so bad. Eventually more people woke up and I asked what happened to my pinky and Annie told me I hurt it stair surfing going down the stairs on my stomach(do not remeber that at all). As we were all getting ready for breakfast, Milly came out and we could all tell something was wrong. She said her butt really hurt and Josh wanted to take her to the ER. Milly’s a medical assistant, she said there was nothing they could do for her. She called her mom who had a stash of pain pills and she brought some over. Poor Milly couldn’t sit, and she just lay on the floor. The pills kicked in and she could get up and sit in her car and they went all went home. I learned a lot that night, like my friends cannot be trusted to not get hurt when I am drunk. And, even though they aren’t perfect, I love them. Milly’s fine, she still hurts but she went to the doctor and they gave her her own pills. Hopefully she’s better by her wedding. I can’t help but feel a little bit responsible she broke her ass.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Never Plan a Bridal Shower with someone you barely know.

Last weekend I threw my best friend Milly a bridal shower. It was a very stressful experience but it went fabulous. I’m really happy with the way it turned out in the end because it was one of the hardest things I have ever planned. It all started out about two months ago when Milly mentioned I was her Maid of Honor. This floored me. She’s getting married in Vegas and it was originally going to be an elopement. I always planned to go with her but I never really thought that it would end up the conventional wedding that it has turned into. It was a big secret for a while, I was the only one that knew and I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. Eventually, people started finding out. Let’s just say my friends like to drink and they can’t keep secrets. Soon Milly’s mom found out (I think her brother told her mom). That is when the shit hit the fan and it turned into an actual wedding. I knew all of this and still didn’t think I was going to be an actual part of the wedding until I mentioned I bought a dress. Milly got upset and I didn’t really understand why. That is when she mentioned the Maid of Honor thing. I have been a MOH once before for my cousin when I was 18. My cousin is a complete control freak and I really didn’t have to do anything. Being Milly’s MOH is a completely different story. For example, she is getting married in 4 weeks and just today secured a venue. She doesn’t want to plan anything and, being the control freak I am, it’s horrifying. So I didn’t think of a bridal shower until my friend, Annie, said something about it. The next day I started planning a Casino-themed party with just a couple of friends. That’s when it all turned on me. Her co-worker, let’s call her Janet for her privacy, called and said she was planning a bridal shower for her and we should merge ours. It sounded like a great idea! Plus, I would have someone else to help make decisions and brainstorm with. We kept making lunch dates to meet and discuss, unfortunately something always seemed to come up and one of us canceled. I’m not saying that I didn’t cancel (once) but Janet always seemed to have a meeting at lunch that she "forgot" about. One time, I drove all the way to town on my day off and waited for her to call me and tell me where we were supposed to meet, I was driving downtown and I saw her walking with Milly down the street. Obviously she blew me off. Milly called me that evening and said that she had asked Janet about it and she said she forgot. Anyway, we finally got together to buy decorations, and we got some really awesome stuff. I ditched the Casino theme long before so we went pink and zebra print. We got to the register and Janet looked at me and asked how I was going to pay. WTF! So I said I was going to planning to buy half of the decorations and I hoped she bought the rest. She did of course but I swear she wanted me to pay for everything. Finally, it was time for the shower and I was really nervous. I asked Annie to come and help decorate and thank God I did because guess who didn’t show up until ten minutes til the party? Janet got there and immediately apologized. Apparently, she had a horrible hangover from the night before. She told me this as people were staring to show up and I was desperately trying to get the last of the party favors together. AND THEN! She took credit for the entire party by introducing herself and getting everyone’s attention while I was still decorating. Regardless, Milly knew what was going on and she kept thanking me because she is awesome like that. Then Janet went up to Annie and thanked her for helping, and Annie said "Well Thank god I was actually here!" It was wonderful. But all in all, I was very proud of it and am glad at the way it turned out in the end. Next time I will work alone or at least work with someone I actually know.