Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sad Day

I work for an attorney in a small city. He has been voted the Best Lawyer for four years in a row, quite an accomplishment because for a small city we have a lot of attorneys. I have worked for him for six years now as a legal assistant. Since it is only a single lawyer practice I only work part time. My mom got me the job since she is his No. 1 paralegal and she needed some extra help. My boss has been an attorney for over thirty years now.  My favorite part of my job is that we are Public Defenders for another small city in our county. It is the only criminal law we do anymore.  It's exciting and fun to be able to help the people who need it. It can be a huge pain in the ass. We get calls from the county jail on a regular basis and they can be very annoying. I would say that the best part are the Thank You cards from the people that genuinely needed help and appreciated that someone cared about them. Recently, because of budget cuts in the county, it has gotten a lot harder to be a Public Defender. We make almost twice as much in the daily practice then we get paid by the state for defending. And since the cuts, they are trying to lump too much together so that my boss has to go to court twice a week instead of once a month. It has been hell to try to keep up on the daily practice and going to court every other day. So yesterday, after we got three new appointments from the court, my boss decided to quit being a Public Defender. And he has also decided that he is retiring at the end of the year. SAD!!!!! First take away my favorite part of my job then, take the job away all together at the end of the year. I'm not really worried about finding a new job. I will be fine. But the Defendants? I just don't know if they will get the same attention form another attorney.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Being Left Behind

I have been the single friend for as long as I can remember. It really isn't by choice, just the result of incredibly high standards for myself and my future partner. I have seen all my friends break up and get back together, and break up and find something new. It sill scares the shit out of me. I have seen the pain in their hearts after a bad break up. And the joy in their eyes at the prospect of someone special.  But there is one thing I will never get used to. Being left behind. When all of your friends are in a relationship and you are still single. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. Not because they are happy but because you are not. You are all alone. And it's pushed in your face when ever you hang out with your happy friends. Being left behind when you spent all this time with your friends almost feels like a break up. When your best friend in the entire world finds a new best friend it sucks. It makes me want to go out and just find the first guy I see and marry him. Life has a funny way of pointing out your flaws and mine is that I'm picky. I know there is someone out there for me but it taking a really long time to find him. So I just need to make some more single friends so I can have fun again.

Monday, May 9, 2011


Today I went to a seminar for a popular accounting software. I had to wake up at five, dressed up nice, put make-up on because "you never know", drive for an hour and a half through rush hour. Here are some of my notes:
Got here way too early.

Woo hoo free coffee!

Good Lord this is awfully boring. There are so many rules. Teacher has a very thick Chicago accent, very distracting. My ADD is not helping, keep singing songs in my head.

I have to pee so bad, why did I drink so much coffee?

I'm pretty sure the lady behind me has the swine flu.

I'm pretty sure my kidneys are shutting down. My bladder has officially gone numb, not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.

Missing important info because I have to pee so very bad.
When is break already!

Finally break time, first one out, skinny Asian lady on my heels says "I've been waiting forever, I drank too much coffee!" and I have a new friend.

Against my better judgement I get more coffee.
I'm pretty sure the lady behind me has some sort of zombie disease and is infecting us all.


Starbucks free WiFi!
Back in class, seriously so bored! Teacher laughing at her own jokes that aren't funny.

Lady behind me breathing my air.

Oh, some actual interesting stuff.
Blah, blah, blah.
More interesting useful stuff.

Teacher promoting more seminars.

Doodling on my notepad, cats, dogs, flowers, etc.

Still promoting, people asking stupid questions.

Goodness gracious stop talking lady!

Lady behind me thinks its funny when I cringe after she coughs all over me.

Definitely showering when I get home, and there will be airborne, oh yes.


Best part is... it's a two day seminar! If that lady sits behind me tomorrow, I am gonna punch her in the throat.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The real reason for my blog

My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when she was 56 years old. It was one if the youngest cases the doctors had seen. My aunt was my dad's twin sister. I have a lot of ideas how she ended up with the disease. But one of the most prominent ones was that she just always seemed unhappy. I believe that she left her depression untreated and it led down a path straight to the disease which took her life two years ago. It really scares me. For a little background, my aunt and I did not really get along. I had ADD and didn't do well in school and she thought that was just awful. Those things were important to her. She pushed her kids so hard to get good grades and get higher education that I feel it might have pushed them away. She thought I was a bad influence on my younger cousin. She didn't like me around. But she was my family so I respected her. After my grandparents died she was put in charge of their estate. I was twelve but that was when I noticed something was wrong. She was confused a lot more than usual. She had a hard time with the process of the probate. Three years later she was at the mall and she started to panic because she didn't know where she was. Mall security called an ambulance, shortly later we found out the diagnosis. I don't want to forget. I have so much to remember sometimes. And sometimes I find it difficult to remember. At this point I know I'm just paranoid. So this is something to help me remember if I ever do forget.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Cinco De Mayo?

So I am not of Mexican descent. But I am 26. So the fact that I did absolutely nothing yesterday bothers me a slightly. There are a number of reasons that I didn't celebrate the Mexican Holiday.
1. My favorite bar is a Mexican bar, and they were going to charge a cover. WHAT? I'm not spending five dollars when I can go any other day of the year and not pay to get in.
2. I don't really drink anymore. I guess the real answer is I never really did. I am too much of a control freak to let myself get out of control. That's why I have made myself the go-to Designated Driver.
3. It was a Thursday night and even though I don't work on Fridays, it's my favorite night for TV. On Thursdays I always go to my friend's house for TV night. When she was single, she would watch as much TV as I did but now her boyfriend lives with her and looks down on the fact that people watch TV and even though it pisses me off when people do that, it is her choice to comply with him. So I still go over there so she can watch one night of TV an week.
4. Again, I'm not Mexican, not that I have a problem with Mexicans, I have a great respect for them and their traditions.
5. I was worried about driving home on a night when I know there will be a lot more drunk people on the roads.

But it still bothers me that when I was younger, I would take any excuse to go out and have fun. And now I feel that I am growing up and it SUCKS! I never wanted to grow up in the first place. So I'm a little depressed today because I am getting old and I know I really shouldn't bitch at such a young age but the fact still remains that I will never be 25 again or 21 for that matter.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Strage Reactions

I told one of my very best friends today that I started blogging. I felt like her reaction was strange. She said "I don't know if I'm OK with that". It was strange not because I didn't feel supported but because I understood. I told her my blog is pretty much completely anonymous. I can understand why she wouldn't want me to talk about her and her life. But it just so happens that she is a part of my life and for some odd reason I have decided to share my life with random people. She shouldn't worry though because there is no reason why I would make her look bad in any light. In my third blog post ever I am already contemplating the idea of deleting it. I won't though because I have built up this really strong, high, wall for my family and friends to break though. They still don't know the real me. I don't know how I got to be this way. But I keep everything to myself. I do not tell anyone how I really feel. I'm so incredibly secretive that it scares me. So I've decided to journal and instead of journaling, I feel that I can post things on my blog and tell my secrets to complete strangers. Because I don't really give a shit how complete strangers feel about me. Maybe in the long run I'll be able to tell people I really do care about how I feel and who I am. But for now its all on you.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I LOVE TV!!! but it might be ruining my life...

I'm pretty sure I have some sort of OCD or other obsessive personality gene because I tend to obsess. For example, I like things neat and tidy. Except for my own house or, in particular, my car. My car is filthy. It's the one place I let get filthy. I also obsess about going to the doctor. I never go. I hate the doctor which is pretty funny because my doctor is a close friend. I housesit for her all the time. I just don't want to find out what is really wrong with me. I have self diagnosed myself with a number of disorders and diseases that I most likely do not have. I don't really have much of a personal life so I watch TV. Lately, my new obsession is In Plain Sight. I always saw commercials for it and knew I would love it. But I was already obsessed with too many TV shows and didn't want to put any more on my plate. Then netflix changed my life. I can take a lazy day and turn it into an obsession marathon. I've watched 24 episodes in the last five days. And I have a job. So really I've just let it affect my sleep because I stay up way too late. I think my main problem with this is that I am a hopeless romantic and always root for any type of law enforcement partners to end up together in the end. I want Mary and Marshall together so bad. I have this problem with all sort of TV shows, Bones, CSI, Psych, the Mentalist, really the only exception would be Law and Order: SVU because that would ruin the dynamic of Elliot and Olivia. I think it might be ruining my life because of the aforementioned fantasy world. I just expect some good looking man to come sweep me off my feet. I want the passion of these characters and I'm afraid it might not exist in real life. I haven't really seen it in the real world. Except for my parents. They are my only glittering piece of hope. They have their problems but they truly love each other with passion. I'll just sit here and wait for my own version of that.

Monday, May 2, 2011

I Live in a Fantasy World...

So I'm going to start off by saying that I live in a Fantasy world. I don't particularly like the world that I have grown up in. I love that I'm an American and all that BS but I would really just like to live in my little secluded part in my brain that is all rainbows and puppies. I hate the media because its never any good news so I just make shit up in my head and ignore the drama in society. I'm a little crazy in that sense. I am crazy in a lot of ways but that is why I hate society and the ways they decide what normal is. I'm not good at pretending that I am normal, so I don't.

Now that I gotten that out of the way let's talk about something more positive.

Oh crap...
 I can't think of anything.


Netflix is a postive thing. I'm going to go watch a tv show without commercials and get back later.