Thursday, April 19, 2012

Surrogate for a Chihuahua

I'm not trying to turn this into a dream journal but this one is just to weird not to share.
I had another really weird dream, I became a surrogate mother for a Chihuahua. I went into labor and the dog that I was surrogating for also showed signs of labor and I asked why. The people (I have no idea who they were) told me that dogs are different and they go into a false labor when someone else is having their puppies. At that point, they moved me into my family’s guest house, which, for some reason, my dad was in the process of remodeling and it was a construction site. So they found an old mattress and place in on the dirt ground and I put sheets on it. And some towels. I had a pretty good labor but the mother dog, that had turned into a cat by that time, was in a lot of pain. So I pull down my pants and what do you know there were already two puppies in my underwear. I pulled my underwear down and a bunch more puppies came out. This was shocking to me because I thought I was only having one. The last one out didn’t make it. I cried. Then another one also died. In the end, I had about nine girl puppies and five boy puppies. They were all white with black spots. Little Dalmatian Chihuahuas. I can definitely say that this is in my top five strangest dreams of all time. Right behind the Devil Turkey in my grandparents basement, the one where my mom kept getting ate by a bear and the one where I had to save the human child the a dolphin gave birth to. There is something really fucked up in my mind. 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I wish this dream was real, except for the pain

I had the weirdest dream last night. It’s all a jumble but the thing that stands out the most is I was dating Zac Efron. SCORE! And I hurt my arm. My arm kind of just flopped around. I remember it hurting really bad. I also remember my cousin John being there. Which is really weird because out of all of my cousins, I think about him the least and to be perfectly honest I don’t even like him. I don’t remember what he was doing there just that he was. And Annie too. I remember hiding in the back of a pick-up truck with a canopy on it with Zac. I kept telling him his eyes were pretty. Then I woke up with a start, which I have done several times this week. And I know why my arm hurt in my dream because I was sleeping on it and it was asleep. I hate it when that happens. But I have no explanation for the rest.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Milly Getting Married

Milly got married. I cried. It was a beautiful wedding. It had some hiccups but it was all worth it in the end. And now that it’s all done and over, I realized something. We are growing up. I know I’ve said it before but now it feels real. I always felt like I was pretending to be an adult. I still do, really. I don’t really want to spend time on this post trying to figure out how I ended up being a 27 year old child. I want to remember this wedding forever. The good and bad.
I’ll start with the bad because it’s still bugging me. First, I offered to do the flowers for the wedding as their wedding present. Did I mention the wedding was in Vegas? I know I have but it’s a factor in this issue so I thought I would mention it again. I should also mention that I procrastinated. I didn’t order the flowers until less then a week before the wedding. That is a confusing sentence but I’m time strapped right now so it will have to do. I knew it was going to cost a lot of money. More than I wanted to spend. Especially since I procrastinated so much. I ended up getting two dozen red roses and one dozen white for $110. I had to ship it to the hotel and when they arrived I had to pay a $6 fee for each box and there were two. Grrrr. Milly’s mom picked me up from the hotel and her resort she was staying at had a full size fridge so I could put them in there before the wedding since I got them the day before. When I opened the box I was pissed. First I only received 22 red roses and one of them had a broken stem. The reds were in really poor condition. The whites looked much better but were smaller then I had hoped for. This could all be fixed. I left them in water overnight and hoped they would fill out a little. Then next day was the wedding day. All us girls, Milly, Annie and I, went to the Sephora in the Planet Hollywood and got full makeup done. It was the best part of the day for me. I absolutely loved my makeup artist, Maya. She was so awesome and actually made me look glamorous. If anyone is ever in Vegas and wants their makeup done go to her please! Afterwards, Annie wanted a drink so we got a margarita by the yard and shared as we walked about a half mile to Milly’s hotel where the wedding was going to take place. When we finally got to the hotel, I knew we were going to be running late. But the weddings not going to start without her. Milly also decided at the last minute, like the previous day, I was going to be doing her hair. So I had two hours to do her hair, flowers, and get myself ready and do my own hair. Annie (Thank you anything that’s Holy that she was there!) Started the flowers. I started Milly’s hair. I actually did a really good job but it took a while. Annie ended up doing all the boutonnieres and the corsage. Then they both got dressed as I was finishing the bouquets. I started freaking out as Milly was in her dress and everyone else was almost done and I hadn’t even started on my hair yet. I basically stopped everything I was doing and stripped in front of everyone and got my bridesmaids dress on. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and curled my hair. While I did that Annie (MY BESTEST FRIEND FOREVER) finished the rest of the finishing touches on the flowers. We did the best we could but I still hated them, they looked cheap. Then the officiant started yelling at us that we needed to do pictures. So we all went out to the garden and Milly’s mom and aunt took pictures in the most unorganized fashion possible. I don’t think there is one of the bride and her parents.

Then the wedding happened. Other then the strange placement, I was behind a tree, it was beautiful. And sweet. I cried. My feet fucking hurt soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. As soon as they were pronounced man & wife. I ran and pulled my shoes off. But otherwise it was the best wedding I've seen so far.

The rest of the night went very well, I drank way too much champagne but I managed to give a funny and meaningful toast. A couple hours later, most of us piled into a hummer limo and went to the Stratosphere. I have been on the Big Shot ride before and decided once was enough. I turned into the drink holder for everyone while they went on rides. I’m not a very good drink holder, I tend to drink anything that’s in my hand. So I was very drunk. As I was waiting for everyone, I noticed that there were a lot of people dressed in white. The longer I waited the more people in white started showing up. Dom was the first person to come find me. I mentioned the people in white and he said he noticed it too. Then Milly’s Uncle Brad came up to us and asked what the deal was with all the people in white. Then he asked one of the people and apparently there was a business function going on. We continued to have a good time. Then I got separated from everyone again. It’s all a little fuzzy but everyone was at the bottom and were waiting for me. I was waiting for the elevator and it was taking forever. I noticed more and more people in white. I started to really freak out. I somehow convinced myself that they were a cult and they were there to blow up the Stratosphere. I called Annie and told her that if I died to tell everyone how I really felt. This is our little code we use when we are in actual fear for our lives. She told me to calm down and that the elevator would be there soon. And it was and I made it back safe and the Stratosphere didn’t blow up. All in all, it was a great night. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but no one has thanked me. No gift for the Maid of Honor. No thanks for my hair it looked great. No thank you for the flowers even though they looked awful. I’m very pissy about this. I spent about two thousand dollars on the wedding, lodging, bridal shower, dress, flowers, food, drinks. I am very butt-hurt. I just want a thanks so much for everything. I really appreciate it. I guess you just have to take the good with the bad, but I won’t ever forget it.