I need some cheering-up!

I am currently experiencing a funk. I don’t exactly know why, it could be many things. One of the main reasons, I feel, is just that quarter-life crisis feeling. I feel I have not accomplished enough to be a legitimate member of society. Another reason could just be post-vacation depression. My vacation was fabulous and ended way too soon. Plus it was so nice and sunny in Ashland, Oregon. I haven’t seen the sun since I returned home, it’s just cloudy and muggy. I need some serious cheering up. How do I do that? My friends are too self involved to notice my funk and I don’t really want to bother them. Watch a funny movie? Which one, I swear I’ve seen them all. Uggggh, I hate this funk.

The Oregon Shakespeare Festival UPDATED

Tomorrow I am traveling to Ashland, Oregon. My mother and I are going to the Shakespeare Festival. I absolutely love Ashland, Oregon. It is about 20 miles from the border of California and in the Siskiyou Mountains so its gorgeous and warm. The people there are so nice. The food is incredible and the plays are wonderful. I drive there so it takes about ten hours to get there and I am not looking forward to leaving at 4:00 a.m. to miss the Seattle traffic. Unfortunately, I will probably hit the Portland traffic, I hope to just miss it but we will see. I go with my mom who is the person who got me hooked in the first place. We do three plays, and this year we are seeing Measure for Measure, Pirates of Penzance and the Imaginary Invalid. My very favorite thing to do while there is just drive. Go to all the small surrounding towns and sight see. Last year we found this graveyard on the top of a big hill. It was very large and had graves dating back more than a hundred years. It had some gravestones that said "killed in attack by Indians." I have a deep fascination with graveyards. I love the quiet peacefulness of them. The beauty of a graveyard to me is not the fact that there are dead people in the ground. It’s more a deeper appreciation of the peace that surrounds it. But that’s a topic for another blog. Another thing we saw last time while driving was a herd of mini ponies. I WANT ONE! I just love to explore around places I’ve never been. I think in a past life I must have been an explorer. It is just a great way to see how other people live. I am so excited and a little nervous. I always get nervous before traveling. So I will wish myself safe travels.

Update: For anyone who is curious the Angus Bowmer Theater is Closed for repairs after a beam cracked. They are still performing the plays because "the show must go on!" The plays are being held in the Armory or other places, it is first come first serve. The seating is a little uncomfortable so I suggest bringing a cushion or blanket to sit on. The box office is giving out refunds or vouchers or you can donate to the festival tax exempt.

Another update: Bowmer in the Park starts tomorrow, the box offce will switch your Bowmer Theater Ticket for Park tickets. I am not sure of any refunds or price changes at this time. Click here for more info:
http://www.osfashland.org/plays/theatres/park.aspx

She Works Hard for the Money

I was raised by an extremely frugal man. My father "retired" when I was twelve. I use the quotations because in reality he was laid off and just never went back to work. So with "retiring" in his 50's he had nothing to do but watch the stock market and budget the family finances. We were never poor but always in the middle class area of the economy. The one thing he did right before he "retired" was pay off our house. So we lived comfortably with the savings that my dad had accumulated and my mother's income as a small town paralegal. We still had fun but as time went on, my dad became more and more frugal. He started timing us in the shower so we wouldn't use too much energy. Five minutes was the goal, because "no one should need to shower longer then five minutes, it’s wasteful!" He started turning down the thermostat to 62 degrees and telling use to put on a coat. Mostly it was just an annoyance. I learned the value of a dollar at a reasonable age when I got my first job as a burger flipper. I climbed the ranks in the burger place to make co-manager with a whole 50 cent raise. Then I got another job, a copy store clerk. Then I got the job I still have as a part time legal assistant. At one time I was working three jobs. I didn't have a day off for almost two months. It was amazing how much money three minimum wage jobs could bring in when you still lived at home. After a couple of months I quit the copy store to work more as a legal assistant. I was spending my money wisely as per my dads raising. I was putting money into savings. But I was going on trips and buying large electronics too and every time I spent a dime my dad was on my case, talking about how I'm going to be broke before I knew it. After the burger place closed in the beginnings of the bad economy, I had plenty of other part time jobs, delivering flowers, a deli cashier, etc. But in the economy we are in I am down to the one part time legal assistant job. And I'm running out of money. My savings is depleting and it makes me feel like a failure. But even then, I am the only one of my friends I know that even has a savings account. Of course they all have full time jobs and spend every dime they have and I wonder what they would ever do if they were in my situation. I'll be fine I know it because I will not let myself go broke because of my frugal father I will live through this dry spell and get another job. I will not go broke. My dad taught me that.

Random Thought #1

I would walk around barefoot all day if I could, but I really don't think feet are very attractive. They are quite gross, really. I mean hands are pretty, but feet... grotesque. Whats with toes any way, I know that they are useful but I feel they could at least look better. All knobby and shit.

Anger

Such a powerful emotion. I am so angry right now. I really want to tell someone off but I won't because I know it's just the anger talking. It really isn't fair that anger fades. Sometimes I wish it stay and I could use it. If I could tap into it more often I could be a very powerful force. My mother always had one of the hottest temperaments I've ever known. And my Grandmother, holy cow, she turned into the devil. I have it too. It's buried deep down inside me. I have only gotten angry to the point where I couldn't control it twice in my life.  I can usually think with a very level head even when I am angry but there have been those two times that I just saw red. Thankfully, I have never hurt anyone, just broken inanimate objects. I hate that just by writing this I'm no longer angry. I should just tell them how they hurt me. I don't let other people see how they affect me. It would show my weakness and they can never see that. Then they would use it against me.

Sad Day

I work for an attorney in a small city. He has been voted the Best Lawyer for four years in a row, quite an accomplishment because for a small city we have a lot of attorneys. I have worked for him for six years now as a legal assistant. Since it is only a single lawyer practice I only work part time. My mom got me the job since she is his No. 1 paralegal and she needed some extra help. My boss has been an attorney for over thirty years now.  My favorite part of my job is that we are Public Defenders for another small city in our county. It is the only criminal law we do anymore.  It's exciting and fun to be able to help the people who need it. It can be a huge pain in the ass. We get calls from the county jail on a regular basis and they can be very annoying. I would say that the best part are the Thank You cards from the people that genuinely needed help and appreciated that someone cared about them. Recently, because of budget cuts in the county, it has gotten a lot harder to be a Public Defender. We make almost twice as much in the daily practice then we get paid by the state for defending. And since the cuts, they are trying to lump too much together so that my boss has to go to court twice a week instead of once a month. It has been hell to try to keep up on the daily practice and going to court every other day. So yesterday, after we got three new appointments from the court, my boss decided to quit being a Public Defender. And he has also decided that he is retiring at the end of the year. SAD!!!!! First take away my favorite part of my job then, take the job away all together at the end of the year. I'm not really worried about finding a new job. I will be fine. But the Defendants? I just don't know if they will get the same attention form another attorney.

Being Left Behind

I have been the single friend for as long as I can remember. It really isn't by choice, just the result of incredibly high standards for myself and my future partner. I have seen all my friends break up and get back together, and break up and find something new. It sill scares the shit out of me. I have seen the pain in their hearts after a bad break up. And the joy in their eyes at the prospect of someone special.  But there is one thing I will never get used to. Being left behind. When all of your friends are in a relationship and you are still single. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. Not because they are happy but because you are not. You are all alone. And it's pushed in your face when ever you hang out with your happy friends. Being left behind when you spent all this time with your friends almost feels like a break up. When your best friend in the entire world finds a new best friend it sucks. It makes me want to go out and just find the first guy I see and marry him. Life has a funny way of pointing out your flaws and mine is that I'm picky. I know there is someone out there for me but it taking a really long time to find him. So I just need to make some more single friends so I can have fun again.