My Obsession with Pandora Radio

Pandora Online Radio has ruined me. I have been listening to showtunes for two months now. I won’t listen to the regular radio anymore and I’m sure that I’m not up to date on the awful shit they call music these days. With the exception of Adele, of course. Maybe a few more artists. But if I hear anymore Rihanna or Taylor Swift, I will hurt someone. But the showtunes, I love. Oh, Mamma Mia, how did I live without you for so long, Wicked makes me smile and then there are the Disney songs. I just might be regressing back to my childhood but I don’t really give a shit. I heard the Doll in a Music Box from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and almost had a stoke. I seriously forgot about that movie. And then Mary Poppins, the Feed the Birds song was my number one favorite song when I was ten. I would sing it all the time. Also the Golden Oldies radio is fantastic. In my area we don’t have an oldies station anymore. Back when I would ride the school bus, our evil bus driver made us listen to the oldies. Now I love the oldies. And the Holiday music, I had the Holloween mix and then the Christmas mix. I’ve even considered paying the three dollars a month to upgrade my Pandora. You know what my dream job would be listening to new music all the time and picking out what songs to put in movies. That would be so awesome. I know it’s contradictory to what I just wrote about but I could at least weed out all the shit music.

Bookcase of Death

As my birthday approaches, I am officially starting to feel my age sneaking up on me. I know I’m not old yet. I have a long way to go, but I feel my body starting to protest some of the things I do. I woke up this morning with a twinge in my neck. It’s not horrible, just annoying and I have learned my lesson. Don’t move a bookcase upstairs by yourself. Also get rid of some freaking books. I must have made about twenty trips up the stairs with boxes and boxes of my books. I looked trough them and there are some people have given me to read that I have never returned or read even. Another thing, I need a new bookcase. I got mine from Target for $40 and I’m fairly sure it will never survive another move. It's a POS. I’m not even sure it will last just sitting there in my room. I’m a little scared it will just fall apart and fall on my bed probably while I’m sleeping there. So anyway, my neck hurts, I’m scared my bookcase will kill me and I’m getting old. Mery Christmas and Happy New Year.

Boobs

I’m having a particularly good boob day. Most days I hate my body, like most girls who have grown up our vain society. But for some reason (tight red sweater) I love my boobs today. I have large breasts. My mother gave them to me. In fifth grade, I was pulled aside and told I needed to wear a bra. It was humiliating at the time but now I’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t so bad. I keep catching myself in the mirror today and I keep thinking "damn, those look nice." Ask me tomorrow and I’ll tell you I hate them. They are a huge pain in the ass and back, and neck, and shoulders. I’m not a skinny girl, I’d catagorize myself as plump. Pleasantly plump. Having large breasts make you look bigger. Also it’s the first area I gain weight and I have to tell you they do not make cute bras once you pass DD, and even worse I cannot find a bra for under $50. Victoria Secret even stops making bras at 40DD. To me it seems like they were just like Fuck it! Those girls don’t need cute bras, they have giant tits! Just for once in my life I’d like to go braless. I bet it’s so nice. I bet you can fit into clothes better too! I guess I’ll never know because even if I lose enough weight to actually be skinny, I’ll still have these two bowling balls attached to my sternum. Sometimes I forget they’re there and then I catch people (men) staring. Then I feel really embarrassed because I’m not a got it flaunt it type, I keep them covered and tucked away. But today I’m proud damn it!

Olfactoarachiphobia

When I was in high school, I worked at a burger joint. It wasn’t a big corporate chain. There were just two restaurants. It was a huge learning experience, I eventually I became the co-manager with Milly of all people. I’ve known Milly since third grade. We did not like each other when I started working at the burger joint. I met Annie in fourth grade. We didn’t become friends until junior year and she was actually the one to get me the job in the first place. Annie and Milly worked together for two months before I came along. They hated each other. So already enemies at work and ten years later a step away from being sisters. Life is so funny. Anywho, back on tack of what this post is really about. I worked at this place for four years. When I started, I worked the counter and had to make milkshakes. The metal cups that most milkshake machines have were long gone. We made the shakes right there in the cup. The thing about that was when you pulled the milkshake down it sprayed the front of your shirt and, if you were wearing a short-sleeved shirt, your arms. We made the milkshakes from real fruit and real chocolate sauce and real peanut butter. Everything was fine except the peanut butter. It started to sicken me. The smell, the feeling of it on my arms. Washing the spatula after closing made me gag. Soon, I started to actually do everything I could to avoid making a peanut butter shake. I would trade favors or chores so someone else would make them. My co-workers started to catch on to what was going on and I started to get teased for it. They would chase me around with a spoonful of peanut butter and it would drive me to tears. I had developed a phobia. I could still eat it though, that was the strangest part. As long as it didn’t touch my skin and I held my breath, it was delicious. I still can’t stand the smell of washing the peanut butter knife at home, I use plastic knives and throw them away. If it touches my skin, I still panic. I tried to look up if other people are like me but all I could find was a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. It’s called arachibutyrophobia. I don’t have it since I can eat it. I’m going to name it olfactoaraciphobia. Anyone else out there have it?

Thanksgiving in Crazytown

I know I'm really late but I made my first Thansgiving dinner this year...

Here's my cooking blog that I never write on, Click here!

It's very interesting I swear (fingers crossed).

WTF happened to November?

Where did it go? December 6th already? It was just January! This is the one thing that really irritates me about aging. It's just seems to go faster and faster. I have been in a bit of a hole for about a month and now that I've come out of it alive and stronger, I have made a few decisions. After months of stressing about whether or not I'll have a job in the new year, I've come the to conclusion that I am officially going to stop stressing about it and just go with whatever happens. I can get a new job, I have the luxury of having family to fall back on if I have to. I’m a very lucky girl. I don't like the feeling of not having control of the situation but I can't always be in control. I just have to keep telling myself that. I can’t remember if I have blogged about any of this. So just a quick recap. My boss is retiring at the end of the year. He has sold the law firm to a new attorney. The new attorney is very worried about money. I (and he apparently) don’t know if he will be able to keep me on full time. I need a full time job. The end. All together I have had a feeling of not being wanted through this whole experience. It took a huge blow to my self esteem and made me evaluate my self worth. But now to hell with him. Or maybe not if he does want me and I’ve been reading the situation all wrong. I don’t know and I just don’t feel like caring anymore.

The Luxury of Depression

It's an excuse to do nothing. But when you don't have time to do nothing it makes it so much worse. All I want to do is crawl into bed and listen to the false voices that tell me I'm worthless. But I absolutely can't. See this is not how I deal with my depression. I usually treat myself like a sick child when I feel the cycle of depression start. But I can't do my usual nothing. I have so much going on. Work is insanely busy. My friends all need me right now. I can't just slip into my bed and do nothing for a day. I just want to sleep. And when I finally can, I just lie there. It's so frustrating! I've never been to a doctor about my depression. I can usually dig myself out of the hole. I'm starting to think I might need to be medicated. I'm just so tired.

Judging People

Judging. We're all guilty of it. I think it's just a part of being a human being. We strive to be the best we can be, but in order to make ourselves feel better about any trouble we have within ourselves, we lash out by deciding that someone else is living their lives the wrong way or making the wrong decisions. I try so hard not to judge people. Mainly because I have no right to do it. I definitely don't want to be judged on my choices because I have made mistakes. Just as much as anyone else has. I think in the long run, all we have to do is just do the best we can. I think that before we judge anyone else, we should step back and decide how it is going to help the situation. We should just realize that we all have a hard road in front of us. Even if you think the person in front of you is living the good life with no problems, remember everyone is battling their own private battle. Whether it's public or a battle within in yourself, everyone has problems. There is no such thing as a small problem when it is your own. Sometimes you learn from your mistakes, sometimes you don't. I think, in the long run, your troubles and decisions how to handle them is what make life worth living. If everything was puppies and rainbows, you'd never be able to really appreciate life fully. If you never had bad, how can you truly be grateful for the good?

Ramdom Thought # 9

Why can't they make movies that don't suck anymore? Are there no more original ideas anymore? Come on Hollywood make something that's entertaining and has substance.

My Family's in Town

We are a normal group. A very functioning, dysfunctional bunch. I grew up a block away from my aunt and uncle. After my grandparents died, they moved to Hawaii. It was very strange because we went to seeing them every week to once a year. I did love visiting them in Hawaii, though. It was like my home away from home. My dad’s best friend also moved to Hawaii around the same time. When we would visit, we would stay a week in Honolulu to visit my dad’s friend then fly to Kauai to see my aunt and uncle. In Kauai before they built their house, my aunt and uncle lived on a fruit plantation. We would walk out the door and pick a grapefruit for breakfast or a starfruit or plantains right off the trees. It was heaven. Five years ago the unthinkable happened. My uncle decided to move. To Alaska. I have no idea why but I’ve never really wanted to visit Alaska. Before they moved, my cousin, their daughter, and I decided to visit one last time. We were both looking forward to going out to the bars at night and having fun. Then the week before we left she found out she was pregnant. We still went and had fun but I still have not been to a bar in Hawaii. Her son just turned four in September. My aunt and uncle have decided to move back to Washington. Four years of Alaska has been enough. They are back looking for some property. This weekend was like family weekend. I got to babysit my nephew (really second cousin) with my aunt. We went to Chucky Cheese. And we had some big family dinners and it was like they never left. I love my aunt’s cooking. I like my uncle’s stories. I’m glad they’ll be back.

Canada, Harness Racing and Pumpkins

I was supposed to go to a party for Milly’s Dad on Saturday. It was his sixtieth birthday and there was a surprise party in the works. A potluck and I was going to bring the deviled eggs. Unfortunately, I forgot that I made plans with my mom. We were going on the Senior Center Bus to Canada to Fraser Downs to see the harness races. On Friday night I went to Milly’s house to make the eggs I had promised. On Saturday we met the bus and saw that there was also a van. They tried to split us up but I insisted on staying with my mom. It was pouring down rain and I don’t care for the bus driver, he is aggressive, speeds and tailgates. Thankfully we got to ride in the van. The driver’s name was Leonard Skinner, freaking awesome. I asked him if he knew that his name was very similar to a certain band. He knew of course and we chatted on how they named their band. He was a very good driver and I felt much safer in the van, I even took a little nap. As we approached Bellingham, traffic slowed down considerably and I counted four separate accidents. I can’t believe that people who drive in the rain on a daily basis still don’t know to increase distance. It boggles the mind that people in western Washington have no idea how to drive in the rain. Leonard decided to get off the freeway and went around the stopped traffic. Which was a good idea. We met the bus by the border and made our way into Canada. I love Canada. It’s so friendly and inviting. We made it to Fraser Downs with time to spare. The casino was open so I quickly lost ten dollars on the slots. I couldn’t help it. It was a Wizard of Oz penny slot. It was made for me. Shortly after, they opened the doors to the Gameclub where the horse betting took place. They had a buffet. I’m not a big buffet fan but it was very good food. After the food was served, the horses started racing. Harness Racing looks a little like the horse is pulling a rickshaw. We stayed for seven races. I won on the second and seventh race. I became the runner for our table since I was the youngest one with a bunch of seniors. All in all our table did very well. Nothing big since none of us bet more than $2. The entire group left in a timely manner and some of the ladies wanted to stop at the Duty Free. My mom quickly jumped out of the van and hustled in. I’m a little broke so I decided to stay in the van. We made it back through customs with no trouble and got back in the states. I took a nap on the way home. It was a very fun day and to be completely honest I think I had more fun with the seniors then I would have had at the party. The next day my friends and I had a pumpkin carving party. It was Annie, Milly, Dom and I and Dom’s seven-year-old son, Brandon. Brandon was excited to get to carve his very own pumpkin by himself. His dad watched over his shoulder while he made an adorable pumpkin that had a little tiny face. It looked obese. Milly made her pumpkin look like a redneck with buckteeth and big ears and Annie made a cat face. I decided to make a scary pumpkin this year so mine had with fangs and slanty eyes. I love this time of year.

Human Bowling

Oh... you haven't heard of this new craze? Human Bowling? Maybe that's because I just started it Saturday night. It all started in a garage. Milly has a garage her dad built behind her house. It's three times bigger than her house and is a kind of orange color. It's hideous. Oh did I mention the forest green trim? Yeah. It could easily fit five cars in it. That's how big it is. He keeps a couple cars that he's working on in there but there is all sorts of other cool stuff in there. On Saturday night Josh came over and he, Dom, Milly and I decided to go hang out in the garage. After the boys talking about cars for what seemed like twenty-four hours I started to look around to find something to play with. I found a blue tricycle. It's cobalt blue, which in my opinion is the prettiest of all the blues. I got on the tricycle and started to try to peddle it around. Everyone stopped talking and watched me and decided this was much more fun than whatever they were doing. Then they all tried to ride it. Dom actually did very well which is surprising since he is the tallest in the group at well over six feet. Then out came the boards for making jumps and video cameras. There might have been a little alcohol involved. I was completely sober, which is why it makes no sense at all that I would find a repair creeper and have a genius idea. A repair creeper is the thing that has six wheels, it rolls, you lay on your back underneath cars. So I get this thing out and I'm like Human Bowling! We set up garbage cans and buckets and Milly got a helmet because "Safety First!" One person lies on the creeper, another pushes into the garbage cans and of course one person video tapes it all. It really is fun. And it doesn't hurt as much as you would think. I do however have a ton of bruises. It's definitely one of those things that bring you closer to your friends.

Random Thought # 8

Why do all the liquor stores in Washington state look like tiny little prisons?

Anatomy of a Cold

Disclaimer: The following is a complete whine fest!
I'm sick. In many ways. Now I can add physically. It all started last Monday with a general icky feeling. Tuesday brought on the sore throat. On Wednesday it was pretty clear I had to clear my schedule because I had a full blown cold. I don't get sick very often. In fact, I can't remember the last time I actually had a cold. I've had the sniffles a couple times but this time I was bed ridden for 5 days. I remember when I was a kid and getting sick was almost fun because you got to stay home from school and watch TV and your mom took care of you. Being an adult and getting sick is so boring. I spent five days in my bed. FIVE DAYS! It was awful. Really the sickness is the worst part, not being able to sleep because of the coughing and the body aches, headaches and blowing your nose till it's red. I'm allergic to cough medicine and after the first part of the head cold, it moved south to the dreaded chest cold. At first it felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest. Every time I would try and cough it would get tighter and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Then it turned into a wheeze fest, with a really nice crackly cough but at least it was producing something. It's all bad but the boredom is mind numbing. After a day I realized there is nothing but crap on TV anymore. Then I turned to Netflix, after a day there's nothing but crap on Netflix too. Video games are impossible to play in between coughing fits. I've read all the books I own. I couldn't clean because I had no energy and it kicked up too much dust. Yesterday I started to feel like I just might live through this. Today I was like "Hot damn, I'm going to work!" I've never felt so happy to be at work before. I think that getting sick puts things in prospective. I'm really glad that I'm a mostly healthy person with a job to get me out of the house. Things could be a lot worse!

Grandma's Cooking

I've mentioned before that all of my grandparents have passed away. You see, my parents were in their late-middle years when they met. My parents had both already been married and divorced and surprisingly had no children from their prior relationships. Well they got married and a year later I was born.  My mother was in her forties when she had me. Her father had already passed away. My mother's mother lived in California and I only got to see her once a year or so*. My father parents were my main set of grandparents. Every holiday we would go to their house. My Grandma was one of the best cooks in the world. We would always have these elaborate dinners on Christmas eve. I miss them, my grandparents, and the dinners. When I was twelve my grandpa, then my grandma died. Eleven weeks apart from each other.  My grandma died two weeks before Christmas. It was pretty rough. I'm having a really hard time remembering them as I get older. So, I have this idea. I'm a decent cook. My mom always tell me I have a natural gift from my grandma. I want to use it to remember. I think in the next year or so I am going to try and cook one of her recipes once a week. The only problem is that she didn't write any down. My grandma was Swedish. She used to make a ton of traditional Swedish foods, and a lot of non-traditional foods. I know my aunt had some recipes written down but unfortunately she also passed away. I'm just going to have to wing it. I can call my cousins and the rest of my family and see what foods they remember. I'm pretty excited! I'll post each week with the food I made and how it turned out.

*My mother's mom had some medical issues and eventually moved in with us when I was eight. I don't want to misrepresent her. She was involved with all of our holidays after she moved here from CA. She used to watch me after school and I loved her very much. It's just the point of this post is the cooking and she wasn't the greatest cook. And good God, she had a temper. She passed away when I was 18 and I miss her very much.


UPDATE: I've decided to make a new blog for this topic.
http://grandmaellenscooking.blogspot.com/

Housesitter Extraordinaire

For a little extra money, I house/pet sit. It started when I was sixteen, and my cousin was going out of town so she gave me one of her jobs. Ten years later, I have a bunch of regulars and get referred out all the time. I read somewhere that one of the biggest reasons people don't go on vacations is because of their pets. That's where I come in. I love animals. People can tell I love animals and that is why they feel comfortable leaving me alone in their houses with them. It's like a mini vacation, with responsibility. Not that I haven't had bad experiences, but for the most part it's easy money. And people pay big to make sure their pets are taken care of. I've made about $500 in the last three months. The most animals I've ever taken care of at one time was ten, including three horses. This whole family went out of town at once. Three houses. Fortunately for me they all lived on or around the same street. So I took care of two dogs, two cats and three horses at one house, two dogs at another and one dog at the last one. I stayed at the house with the horses. The first night, I was sitting on the couch watching TV and I look out the window and there's a horse looking at me. I think I jumped about three feet. Thank God I know how to put a lead on a horse. Then the dogs at the second house got out and took off. They were gone a whole day and I was told they do this sometimes and eventually come home. They did but I have to tell you, I was so scared. Then the horses got out again. All of them. I had to call a friend to help me get a hold of them all. She did not know how to put a lead on a horse and is only five feet tall. She was a little intimidated. I just told her to stand her ground and don't show fear because they are smart. She did and was amazed in the end she actually got a lead on the horse. It was incredibly funny watching her trying to yell at a horse. I found out where the break in the electric fence was and fixed it. That was an extremely stressful weekend. One of my biggest fears is having an animal die on me. I have watched many, many animals that were very close to the end. Only one has died on me. A Zebra Finch. I didn't know what to do so I wrapped him up in a paper towel and put him in a ziplock and put him in the freezer. I left a note and the lady called me and told me not to worry he was old. One time a little dog tricked me into giving him a treat every time he came in and gained two pounds in two weeks, a lot for a little dog. His owners were my bosses at the time and they teased me about it all the time. I guess he couldn't jump up on the couch, he was so heavy. This weekend I was house sitting for a new lady for the first time. She is a RN and she works with my best friend Milly. She left to visit her son in So. Cal. As she was showing me around her house, she mentioned that she had a small mouse problem but she was pretty sure that she had gotten them all. She had two mouse traps out. Everything went fine the first couple nights. She has a shih tzu and a beagle-lab mix. In the middle of the third night, Barney the shih tzu, started barking and woke me up. In my experience, dogs often bark at nothing in the middle of the night. I looked around the house didn't see anything and went back to sleep. In the morning, I found one of the traps had caught a mouse. A very large mouse. I'm not a fan of mouse traps. I feel they are inhumane but it's not my house, not my decision. I tossed the body in the woods and threw the trap away because it had blood all over it. Last night I was cleaning up and I noticed the other trap had sprung but not caught anything. I reset it. I heard it go off right before I fell asleep last night. I felt horrible. I know that mice are considered vermin but I still feel bad for the little guys. As I mentioned before I have always had cats. Whenever we had a mouse problem, the cat would take care of it. That doesn’t make me feel as bad because it’s the natural instincts of an animal. But I had killed this mouse. I drifted into a restless sleep around one in the morning. When I woke up around five thirty this morning, very early for me, I heard shuffling around in the room I was in. Both the dogs were in the bed with me and completely asleep. My blood turned cold. I knew it was a mouse. I also knew I wasn’t going to get back to sleep. I looked at the sleeping, useless dogs and woke them up. Then I heard scurrying in the kitchen. As I turned the corner from the bedroom to the kitchen I saw a GIANT rat. Dogs did nothing, I screamed and ran to the bedroom got all my stuff, threw it in my car and sat there a minute. I knew I had to go back in because the dogs were outside and I needed to let them back in. I decided it probably ran away and was hiding after I screamed. I gathered some clothes for the day, let the dogs back in and ran to the bathroom. I took the fastest shower ever and got dressed. Got the dogs in the designated room. And left a note. " I think I saw a rat this morning." I was at work two hours early. I hope the dogs will be ok. Seriously, it was huge! She comes home today. I’m waiting for the call. I’m going to tell her to get a cat.

My darkest secret... CATS

I am a crazy cat lady. I have two, only because my friends have forbidden me to get any more. My dad is not a fan of dogs, which is why we had cats while I was growing up. I am an only child and the street we lived on didn't have any other kids until I was about eight years old, so I had my cat. Just one cat, Strawberry. When I was four our cat Morgan ran away. I barely remember her but I remember getting Strawberry.  About a week after Morgan ran away, there were kittens in front of the grocery store. My four-year old self walked straight up to the box found the loudest kitten and picked her up and refused to put her down. The lady even asked me if I wanted a quieter one. But no this was the cat for me. She was my best friend until she passed away at the ripe old age of 18. I was devastated. Strawberry was my only unconditional friend. She waited up for me if I came home late and slept with me. She listened to my problems when I was in the awkward teenage years and she even let me dress her up when I was little. Again, I lasted about a week before I could no longer take it and found a kitten and an older kitten. They were both tuxedo cats and both girls. LC was the baby, just three months old. She jumped out of the box and immediately started exploring. I named her after Lewis and Clark. She was attached to my hip and still is. She's more dog than cat these days, loves riding in the car, fetches, loves to play with water. She can usually be found in the bathtub. Cleopatra was about 8 months old and she hid under the microwave stand for two days before she excepted her new home. Sadly she disappeared six months later. I was heartbroken. I did everything I could to find her but after a month I decided to save a new kitten from the shelter. She was 5 month old kitten born in the shelter to a feral mom-cat. She was a little skittish, to say the least. I named her Prudence after the Beatles song. I used to sing it to her "Dear Prudence, won't you come out and play?" She has warmed up considerably but still has trouble with strangers. LC and Prudence are the cats in the bottom of my blog homepage. As you can see LC is a a bit larger now. Prue will follow her everywhere, even in the tub. I love my cats.  I don't really care if people think I'm crazy because of it.





Young LC





Prudence





Strawberry



Cleopatra



My new friend

Work is a little slow today and I have made a new friend. He lives in the Golden Pothos on the shelf above my desk. I believe he is a daddy long legs but he is still very small. I discovered him while I was staring off into space. I like spiders. Not in a creepy way. I'm not afraid of them and I repect that they eat other annoying bugs. When I was little my dad told me that it's bad karma to kill a spider, so I usually pick them up with a tissue and let them outside but he can stay. I've decided on Loki as a name. Loki and I have imaginary chats. So far we talked about how the rain goes down the water spout but he kept climbing back up it and how it was a good living for a while but now he's retired and enjoys his view from the Golden Pothos. I, of course, was flattered. Then he metioned not me but the window. He likes to watch the weather change outside. Our first fight.

Random Thought #7

Why does rain smell so good?

My Insane Friends

This weekend, I was actually able to hang out with my friends one-on-one for a while. I'm going to change their names for personal reasons and their own privacy. This is a really long back story, it all starts with my old partner-in-crime, Milly. We used to be the single girls with every weekend booked with parties and fun things to do. Then her brother, Josh, started dating my other best friend, Annie. Annie is a serial monogamist, which means she is always in a relationship. Since I have known her in high school she has never been single longer than a month. Annie and Milly have never really been friends but always tried to get along for my sake. Milly had always banned any of her friends to date her brother. She's very protective and jealous. She always had problems with girls who dated her brother and was jealous of any time that she got to spend with him and that had to be shared with someone who would take the attention away from her. That sounds a little crazy I know. But she's just that kind of person who believes the world revolves around them. Don't worry, I put her in her place on a daily basis, everyone knows the world revolves around me, kidding! So needless to say when Annie and Josh started sneaking around behind her back and she found out, the shit hit the fan! Who was stuck in the middle? You might think Josh but no it was me. I have no words to describe this feeling, the best I can do is it's like being pulled in two different directions at the same time. Because, even though Milly was being irrational, it was hard not to see her point of view. It was her one rule and they broke it, and they went about it all wrong by sneaking around. For six months or so she was a complete bitch until Josh stepped in and told her he was happy and to get over herself. Then she was just a bitch behind their backs. Josh, Milly and I all decided it was time for her to get a boyfriend so she could focus on someone else. She decided that to prove a point she would date one of Josh's friends to show him how it felt. Of course this all backfired on her when Josh was really excited to have one of his friends date his sister. She decided she was interested in one of his co-workers, Dominic. To make a really, really long story short, every one's friends now. Josh and Annie have been dating for two and a halfish years and Milly and Dom have been dating a year and a half. Every one's happy about each other and I'm the last single one. I might be a little bitter. Only because I was so busy with their lives I didn't really get to work on my own. That's just an excuse really but that's another topic. Anyhoo all my friends are so happy that it was starting to irritate me a little. But then I started to see the cracks. Dom and Milly drink a lot. It bothers me. I just don't get it, I guess. Josh and Annie really seemed to be the perfect couple but then I'm her best friend and I hear the hesitance in her voice. Long ago before Annie, I was also really good friends with Josh. But like most guys when he got a girlfriend he didn't talk to me much anymore, not like we used to. This weekend Annie had to work and Josh and I were at Milly's house and he had been drinking and asked me to drive him home. And we talked. Like really talked about important shit. It was really interesting, I found out all his fears and really stupid problems but most of all, he really loves her. But it's not perfect and it makes me happy, because I'm a horrible person. Also, earlier in the weekend, I finally got Milly alone and she told me all her fears and stupid problems. It was like I was a damn therapist all weekend. And she told me the reason she drinks is because Dom drinks and he annoys her, she just drinks to make him not annoying. I told her that it really bothered me and she told me that it bothered her to and they had decided to cut back a lot. I really needed this weekend because it was nice to hear about the stupid problems and the big problems. I felt like I was part of their lives again and not just cast out on my own. It's really hard to be the last single one. It's very lonely. But in my talk with Josh he told me that he was proud of me for sticking to my standards and not only applying them to the man I'm looking for but also to myself. That was the most clarifying thing anyone has ever said to me. Really eye-opening because I didn't even realize I was doing it until he mentioned it. Crazy!

Random Thought #6

When the Zombie Apocalypse happens, will they be the crazy fast zombies that can chase you down or the slow, moaning ones you can pretend to be to escape?

Ten years since the world changed...

Ten years ago when I was 16, I was sleeping at home when my mom came into my room and said "Virginia, we're being attacked." I, in a groggy state, turned on the television and watched a replay of the second plane running into the second twin tower. It was absolutely shocking. It didn't fully hit me until I was in my first period English class and we all just sat in silence watching the towers fall. In every single class we watched the television. It was such a quiet day. Looking back on it all, it was a disaster but it brought us all together.  I was proud to be an American and everyone else was too. We all bonded over this tragedy and became a united force to be reckoned with. It was a strange feeling because although I did love my country, I guess I didn't really feel any pride for it. I was just a teenager. But after 9/11 I had a strong sense of community and was very, very proud of my country. I retain that pride today and am still grateful to be an American. I just wish the politicians could work together and help us out of the hole we're currently in. I'll never forget that day. I'll never forget the heroes that died and the ones that lived. And I'll never forget the troops that have fought for us since. Never Forget.

Wonderful!

I had a wonderful Holiday weekend. It started in Ellensburg with my cousin and her husband. I never get to see my cousin-in-law. He works in Alaska for a fishing tour company that his family runs. We had a fun night of catching up and joking around. Then he left for Alaska at 6 in the morning. My cousin and I dropped her kid off at the babysitters and went to the Rodeo. It was awesome because the company she works for is a main sponsor so we got to be VIP's. Free food and drinks. I really enjoyed the show but most of all the Buffalo show. Those animals are gigantic. Then we went out for Mexican food to sober up and then we picked up the little one. Went back home and watched movies. The next morning, I watched the almost-four year old for a couple hours while she picked her Fantasy Football draft. She's a little bit crazy when it comes to football. I left at noon and drove three hours home. Every year on the Sunday before Labor Day, our neighborhood has a block party. So I walked down the street and enjoyed the neighbors and the food. I came home drank a couple glasses of wine made cookies and went to bed. The next day I was in a mild post vacation slump when my friends called and invited me out on the boat. Which was exactly what I needed. Had a great boat trip and steak dinner. I got into my bed to watch a little TV and promptly fell asleep at 9:30. Insane! I don't think I have ever fallen asleep that early. Woke up at eight and got ready for work. All in all, it was the best weekend I have had this whole summer. I'm sad that the fall is coming but at least I had a little fun this summer. It was a much different feeling this year. It feels like everyone is growing up. I have never wanted to grow up. I might have a little bit of "Peter Pan syndrome." I just never really saw what was so great about growing up. Responsibility, bleh. I guess I'll eventually get there. Whether I like it or not.

Labor Day

I cannot wait for Labor Day! This has been the craziest non-full moon week ever. First, my car breaks down. It's didn't really break down, it just started making a very annoying noise that turned out to be bad wheel bearings. Oh, and at some point in time(a very long time from now when I can afford it), I'm going to need new struts. Then, I had to go to the dentist. I HATE THE DENTIST. I would rather get a PAP than go to the dentist. I had put it off long enough that they called my dad's house and got my cell phone number. WTF, who does that? So, after a half hour of being poked and prodded the Dentist come in to tell me I have two cavities and my last filling cracked. I have only in my entire life had three cavities. Only one on my adult teeth, which is the one filling that cracked. There is nothing about this that I like. I have to spend $500-$600 to fix this problem. In my opinion that is highway robbery! First, why should I have to pay for the cracked filling? Sounds like shoddy craftsmanship to me. And where the hell am I going to get all this money? My car and my teeth? Then, for some reason like God was actually listening to me for once, I get paid for a job I did in May. Then I got a bonus at work. It was the weirdest thing. Now I have money to pay for my teeth and I can scrounge to get money for my car. I made an appointment to get my car fixed today, and they got the wrong part for it. Figures right. I'm leaving for favorite cousin's house in Ellensburg tomorrow. Now I have to get my car fixed then go to Ellensburg, No big deal really. It's just funny how you can plan all you want but if its not meant to be, oh well. Every year I go to the Ellensburg Rodeo with my cousin. I'm very excited just to get out of town. I can't wait:) But I might have to if it's His plan.

Random Thought #5

Why is it that the only time you really need your cell phone you forgot it at home?

The Day after a Bad Day

I don't have bad days very often. I have days that are not great but not seriously bad. Yesterday was a BAD day. I have a tendency to keep my emotions bottled up. So every once and a while, I break. Yesterday was a breaking point. But I don't really want to dwell on yesterday. I want to talk about today and all the opportunities that I can see now. First thing, I got a decent night's sleep. Which almost never happens. Second, I wasn't woken by nightmares. Lately I have been having nightmares, plane crashes and psycho killers. I have no idea why but they are starting to worry me. But last night I was so tired that I can't remember my dreams. Which can be a really good thing. Mostly, I woke up with a determination the it is a brand new day and that it is going to be a good one. I get to have lunch with my two very best friends who have mended their friendship with each other. That makes me ecstatic. I am looking at the world thinking even though it's cloudy today it's a beautiful planet we live on and we are lucky to be here. No matter what religion or science you believe, the human race is lucky to be able to live on this planet that suits us so. There is so much beauty in even the ugliest things. I saw a Black widow Spider on Saturday. It was gorgeous. If you think about the bad all the time you are bound to break. You must look at the bright side to stay sane. That is my motto for today. Today is wonderful.

The Boys of the Game of Baseball

I love baseball. For a girl, I’m a huge fan. When I was little, my dad used to let me stay up late to watch the end of the games. I eventually learned the game and my dad and his only child got to bond. Now I usually watch for the hot athletic guys. And the game of course, mostly the guys though. Since the Seattle Mariners never come through in a tight squeeze, I don’t usually root for my home team. Unless they are doing well, then it is my duty. Last year I was rooting for the Giants. I really like their pitching. Particularly, Tim Lincecum and Brian Wilson. Both very hot men, not to mention great pitchers. Lincecum is from Western Washington and has girly hair. He is tall and lanky but for some reason I find him adorable. Brian Wilson is a closer and can usually be identified by his famous beard. But behind that beard is an incredible personality. One of his famous quotes is in an interview after he got fined for his orange cleats when asked about it he said he had "too much awesome on his feet." That is just one on the funniest quote from this blue-eyed athlete. Baseball is just about the only sport I can watch regularly on TV. I like football but it just isn’t the same. I love rooting for the underdog and I hate the Yankees. The Yankees to me feel like the cool jock kids in High School who always got everything they ever wanted. But I do love Derek Jeter. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for him to hit his 3000^th hit. He just seems like a nice guy. A-Rod on the other had just seems sleazy. When he left Seattle for Texas he should have just come out and said it was for the money. It was obviously for the money but he just kept denying it. There’s so much more I could cover. I could talk about baseball all day.

Whale Watching

On Saturday I went whale watching in the San Juan Islands. It was a really cool experience. I'll start at the beginning. I am in the middle of pet sitting season. The first week in August is always really busy. So I had to get up at six to walk a dog forty minutes away from my house. I did not sleep very well the night before, I think I got around three hours of sleep. My friends picked me up there and we went to Bellingham to check in at 9:30. As we were in line to check in, my best friend leaned down to whisper "I hope to God there's no kids on this boat." (I love kids... my best friend doesn't.) No such luck. Soon around ten sugared up children boarded the boat. The fact that I had very little sleep the night before had put me on edge and the kids were already pushing my buttons by being boisterous. At 10:00 we left the harbor. The tour guide started telling us all about the islands and how they got their names and nice little stories about them. My best friend’s boyfriend noticed that they were serving beer and wine and started drinking. About two hours into the boat ride, we saw some porpoises. Another hour later I was starting to worry about the fact that I had not seen any whales yet. The kids were now running all around the boat unsupervised and I was wondering where their parents were. And it was cold. And my friend’s bf was getting a little tipsy. Finally three and a half hours into the trip the captain came on the loud speaker and told us the whales were at twelve o’clock. Everyone got their cameras and ran to the top deck and there they were. Little tiny dots. Tiny, tiny dots. I was now very worried. But soon we got closer. It was amazing. Beautiful Orcas. Huge dorsal fins in and out of the water. There’s a law that says you have to stay 200 yards away from the orcas but they can come to you. Only one came close enough to really see. It was a young one. Very cool. Then we got to see some breaches. Spy hops, tail smacks. Totally worth it. The captain came on the loud speaker again and told us we had to go home and I was so sad. And tired. The tour guide’s microphone stopped working and I was kind of glad because it was much more quiet. Even the kids had settled down for a minute and I started to fall asleep. But as soon as I drifted off this little girl ran past me and bumped into me. Never even said sorrily. So I went down to the bottom deck and camped out at a table and soon stared to drift off again. Same little girl came through the door and slammed it. All together she woke me up a total of five times. I totally understand that I was on a boat during a family experience but I did not once see this girl’s mother watching her. I mean we’re on a boat in the water with tiny rails. She could have fallen off at any time. We finally got back to Bellingham and the captain asked us to clear the right (starboard* I did learn a lot on this trip) side of the boat. But a guess who didn’t listen. The little girl. She was in the crews way the whole time. I was glad to be back on solid land. My best friend’s bf was drunk by the time we got back and promptly fell asleep in the car. All and all it was awesome. I saw gorgeous creatures who are very majestic. I also learned I am not ready under any circumstances to have children.

Aww crap!

You know those moments when you think "this is a bad idea..." but you do it anyway. And then it all goes horribly wrong and you're like "I told you so!"

I hate those moments.

Random Thought #4

Why is underwear so expensive?

It's like seven bucks a pair!

Random Thought #3

WTF is baking soda?

Back story: Last Friday I went to Starbucks and got a venti skinny Carmel Macchiato. I put it in my passenger's side cup holder because I had a bottle of water in the driver's side. I turned the corner and the whole fucking thing tipped onto the floor of the passenger's side. THE WHOLE THING! I hadn't even had a sip yet. So I was in the middle of traffic and could do nothing be cuss and drive. I got to a place where I could turn off and got all of the napkins in my car and soaked up as much as I could. But I only had about twenty fast food napkins and 24 oz of liquid. So I went to the store and bought an entire roll of paper towels and soaked more up. Three days later it started to smell. I realize that I should have done more sooner but I was really busy and I forgot.  So I started to read online what I could do without pulling the whole carpet out. One thought was to get rid of the odor to put baking soda on it. I had also tried kids n pets and soaked the floor the day before. I put the baking soda on and watched it turn to paste. Fantastic. I waited another day and vacuumed up the paste but the smell was still there but a little different now it smell like sour milk and baking soda paste. So the next day I put another box of baking soda onto it. As I was doing that I pondered the above question.

It still smells. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Looking your best.

This morning I woke up late and didn't have time to shower. I threw my hair in a pony and got dressed and  with no make up flew out the door. On my way to work I remembered that the office supply guy was coming today and I instantly cursed the gods. I have the biggest crush on him. He is so adorable in a nerdy, cute way. And for some reason whenever he is supposed to come in I always look like complete shit. I should really just stop caring because it's not like I have a chance anyway.  I don't know if he is in a relationship or anything because I am unbelievably shy and can't talk to him.  One time he came in and smiled at me and I felt that hot blush creeping up my face and neck and speed walked to the bathroom to calm down. I'm sure he thought I had some sort of gastrointestinal problem or something. Ok, next time we order supplies I'm going to make it a goal to say at least a complete sentence to him. And I'm going to set three alarm clocks so I have time to primp myself so I can at least look human. I'm all about accomplishing goals this year. What's the worst that could happen?

Rain

It's raining as usual, but to tell the truth I love the rain. I love to go out and stand in it, let it hit my face. It is the most relaxing thing to me. Nothing puts me to sleep like the sound of rain hitting the roof. Rain is such a constant for me that if it doesn't rain for weeks I get depressed. I especially love it right now because I'm pretty sure they will cancel my softball game tonight. I am nursing a touch of an illness they call "hangover". I'm exhausted after an extremely sunny weekend. My poor back is so red. Damn Scandinavian skin. But back to the rain. They (weathermen) were calling for thundershowers but I haven't seen any lightning yet but I love that too. I just want to go home and watch the storm pass and relax.

Update: In case you cared, softball was not canceled and we lost our first playoff game 9-8.

Random Thought #2 James Bond

Don't you think its time that James Bond settled down. I mean of course a relationship with an international spy has to be hard but don't you think he should start looking for a lasting one. Girl after girl, after girl, after girl. And most of them damsels in distress. Maybe he should look for someone based on how they can handle themselves or just maybe a regular everyday woman without a tragic back story.  And of course she would have to be able to deal with the fact that he's an international man of mystery and she can't know where he is all the time. But then he's got to be close to retirement by now. It just seems like enough is enough, the man has had to have some sort of disease by now. Plus he is always running around and that has to be hard on a body no matter how well you take care of yourself. He should just buy an island and relax for the rest of his life with a wonderful woman at his side. Pass the torch to the next 00 agent. Just a thought.

Living in the town you grew up in

I have lived and worked in this town all of my 26 and a half years. I have traveled all over the US and Europe. But I have always returned home to the same place. I love it here, and I hate it here. I know 50% of the population of this town. I can’t go to the grocery store without running into someone I know. I used to hate going to the store with my mom when I was young because she could never just run in for a second. I hate it when I see someone and hope they don’t see me. I usually hide around the corner then stalk them so I don’t have to talk to them. But inevitably I have to go into small talk with someone. Unbearable small talk. Like "the weather sucks, but what do you expect it is Western Washington, HA HA HA." It’s always the same. I have had many jobs in this town too. So when running into old customers I get the "You look really familiar. Where do I know you from?" I have had many different kinds of jobs, burger flipper, deli waitress, copy girl, flower deliverer, tanning salon worker, but for the last six years I have worked for an attorney. Mostly the clients are from around town and have lived here for some time. Today my second grade teacher came in. She told me that one of the joys of her job is that she gets to see her students grow up into adults and then complimented me on the woman I have become. I hated my second grade teacher. She was mean and actually pulled me out if the room by my seven-year-old ear once. Now to give her credit I was no angel when I was young. I was an only child with a need for attention. I had a really hard time in class because of my very short attention span and once I kicked a boy in the balls and she had to send me to the principals office*. But today she said that I was never any trouble. Which leads me to believe that she has absolutely no idea who the hell I am. Or maybe I was not as bad as I have been told I was. Nevertheless, It was very nice of her to tell me how I have grown into a nice woman because she is the first person to tell me that.

*Not my first or last trip to the principal, in fact, it was my third time. My first trip was in kindergarten when I walked into another classroom and dumped a whole cup of rice on the floor then ran away. My second time was in first grade. I got bored and decided to take some crayons and draw on the carpet. My parents were gone at the time and my poor grandpa was watching me. When they called him to tell what I had done, he sent me to bed without dinner and that was the most punishment I had ever had at the time. I cried and cried. Now thinking back my grandpa probably was appalled at my actions because until then I was an angel to him.  By the time I graduated to middle school I had become very good friends with my principal. We had an understanding. I was a good kid who got into trouble a lot. Funny enough, when I went to middle school he was promoted to that school too.  I’m quite sure that he was following me.

Fireworks!!!!

On the Fourth of July or Independence Day as it is named, I usually go to my friend's family cabin. It is about four miles from where I live. I don't usually like going too far from home because of all the drunk drivers, which are very common in the particular area I live. My friend's family is very welcoming and makes you feel right at home. In fact, I like to consider them my family because my family is not close anymore. Her grandma is the sweetest lady and my grandparents all passed away before I was 19. They hug you when they see you and immediately give you a nickname. My nickname is Veronica. Like Betty and Veronica. Since my name is Virginia and no one can ever remember it, people will call me all sorts of V names. They knew this when they gave me the name, so Veronica being the sexy one in the comics is a very awesome nickname in my opinion. There is always a TON of food but I always bring something because that’s what polite people do. So this year I brought deviled eggs on request. I make some killer deviled eggs. I know they aren't hard to make but most people love them and I have definitely perfected my secret recipe. I only made a dozen eggs, making 24 deviled eggs, I left the room for fifteen minutes and they were gone. I guess they were a hit. Have I ever mentioned that my two best friends kind of despise each other? Well it’s a topic for another blog, lets just leave at they tolerate each other because one is dating the other’s brother. Oh yeah, one big happy family around here. So it’s pretty entertaining to watch them tip toe around each other during family functions. I used to have to play referee but now I just sit back and relax because their problems with each other don’t include me. So I mingled with the family and played with the kids and ate a boatload of food. Watched a skydiving video from one of the kids I used to babysit, terrifying. Soon it got dark enough for a fire and some fireworks. One of my friends cousins is gay. He always brings a date and they are always hot as hell. I love to fake flirt with gay guys. It is fun because there is really no threat of anything happening so you don’t have to worry about the regular jitters of flirting. Kind of like practice flirting. So there I was flirting with this fine-ass guy by the fire when one of the fireworks tipped over. Everyone ran. The guy I was talking to screamed like a girl, and grabbed the back of my shirt and used me as a human shield. This is what I get for flirting. After we lived through our ordeal, he excused himself and asked me if I could pretend it never happened. I said fat-chance, since everyone saw it. I can only imagine the new nick name I’ll have next year.

I need some cheering-up!

I am currently experiencing a funk. I don’t exactly know why, it could be many things. One of the main reasons, I feel, is just that quarter-life crisis feeling. I feel I have not accomplished enough to be a legitimate member of society. Another reason could just be post-vacation depression. My vacation was fabulous and ended way too soon. Plus it was so nice and sunny in Ashland, Oregon. I haven’t seen the sun since I returned home, it’s just cloudy and muggy. I need some serious cheering up. How do I do that? My friends are too self involved to notice my funk and I don’t really want to bother them. Watch a funny movie? Which one, I swear I’ve seen them all. Uggggh, I hate this funk.

The Oregon Shakespeare Festival UPDATED

Tomorrow I am traveling to Ashland, Oregon. My mother and I are going to the Shakespeare Festival. I absolutely love Ashland, Oregon. It is about 20 miles from the border of California and in the Siskiyou Mountains so its gorgeous and warm. The people there are so nice. The food is incredible and the plays are wonderful. I drive there so it takes about ten hours to get there and I am not looking forward to leaving at 4:00 a.m. to miss the Seattle traffic. Unfortunately, I will probably hit the Portland traffic, I hope to just miss it but we will see. I go with my mom who is the person who got me hooked in the first place. We do three plays, and this year we are seeing Measure for Measure, Pirates of Penzance and the Imaginary Invalid. My very favorite thing to do while there is just drive. Go to all the small surrounding towns and sight see. Last year we found this graveyard on the top of a big hill. It was very large and had graves dating back more than a hundred years. It had some gravestones that said "killed in attack by Indians." I have a deep fascination with graveyards. I love the quiet peacefulness of them. The beauty of a graveyard to me is not the fact that there are dead people in the ground. It’s more a deeper appreciation of the peace that surrounds it. But that’s a topic for another blog. Another thing we saw last time while driving was a herd of mini ponies. I WANT ONE! I just love to explore around places I’ve never been. I think in a past life I must have been an explorer. It is just a great way to see how other people live. I am so excited and a little nervous. I always get nervous before traveling. So I will wish myself safe travels.

Update: For anyone who is curious the Angus Bowmer Theater is Closed for repairs after a beam cracked. They are still performing the plays because "the show must go on!" The plays are being held in the Armory or other places, it is first come first serve. The seating is a little uncomfortable so I suggest bringing a cushion or blanket to sit on. The box office is giving out refunds or vouchers or you can donate to the festival tax exempt.

Another update: Bowmer in the Park starts tomorrow, the box offce will switch your Bowmer Theater Ticket for Park tickets. I am not sure of any refunds or price changes at this time. Click here for more info:
http://www.osfashland.org/plays/theatres/park.aspx

She Works Hard for the Money

I was raised by an extremely frugal man. My father "retired" when I was twelve. I use the quotations because in reality he was laid off and just never went back to work. So with "retiring" in his 50's he had nothing to do but watch the stock market and budget the family finances. We were never poor but always in the middle class area of the economy. The one thing he did right before he "retired" was pay off our house. So we lived comfortably with the savings that my dad had accumulated and my mother's income as a small town paralegal. We still had fun but as time went on, my dad became more and more frugal. He started timing us in the shower so we wouldn't use too much energy. Five minutes was the goal, because "no one should need to shower longer then five minutes, it’s wasteful!" He started turning down the thermostat to 62 degrees and telling use to put on a coat. Mostly it was just an annoyance. I learned the value of a dollar at a reasonable age when I got my first job as a burger flipper. I climbed the ranks in the burger place to make co-manager with a whole 50 cent raise. Then I got another job, a copy store clerk. Then I got the job I still have as a part time legal assistant. At one time I was working three jobs. I didn't have a day off for almost two months. It was amazing how much money three minimum wage jobs could bring in when you still lived at home. After a couple of months I quit the copy store to work more as a legal assistant. I was spending my money wisely as per my dads raising. I was putting money into savings. But I was going on trips and buying large electronics too and every time I spent a dime my dad was on my case, talking about how I'm going to be broke before I knew it. After the burger place closed in the beginnings of the bad economy, I had plenty of other part time jobs, delivering flowers, a deli cashier, etc. But in the economy we are in I am down to the one part time legal assistant job. And I'm running out of money. My savings is depleting and it makes me feel like a failure. But even then, I am the only one of my friends I know that even has a savings account. Of course they all have full time jobs and spend every dime they have and I wonder what they would ever do if they were in my situation. I'll be fine I know it because I will not let myself go broke because of my frugal father I will live through this dry spell and get another job. I will not go broke. My dad taught me that.

Random Thought #1

I would walk around barefoot all day if I could, but I really don't think feet are very attractive. They are quite gross, really. I mean hands are pretty, but feet... grotesque. Whats with toes any way, I know that they are useful but I feel they could at least look better. All knobby and shit.

Anger

Such a powerful emotion. I am so angry right now. I really want to tell someone off but I won't because I know it's just the anger talking. It really isn't fair that anger fades. Sometimes I wish it stay and I could use it. If I could tap into it more often I could be a very powerful force. My mother always had one of the hottest temperaments I've ever known. And my Grandmother, holy cow, she turned into the devil. I have it too. It's buried deep down inside me. I have only gotten angry to the point where I couldn't control it twice in my life.  I can usually think with a very level head even when I am angry but there have been those two times that I just saw red. Thankfully, I have never hurt anyone, just broken inanimate objects. I hate that just by writing this I'm no longer angry. I should just tell them how they hurt me. I don't let other people see how they affect me. It would show my weakness and they can never see that. Then they would use it against me.

Sad Day

I work for an attorney in a small city. He has been voted the Best Lawyer for four years in a row, quite an accomplishment because for a small city we have a lot of attorneys. I have worked for him for six years now as a legal assistant. Since it is only a single lawyer practice I only work part time. My mom got me the job since she is his No. 1 paralegal and she needed some extra help. My boss has been an attorney for over thirty years now.  My favorite part of my job is that we are Public Defenders for another small city in our county. It is the only criminal law we do anymore.  It's exciting and fun to be able to help the people who need it. It can be a huge pain in the ass. We get calls from the county jail on a regular basis and they can be very annoying. I would say that the best part are the Thank You cards from the people that genuinely needed help and appreciated that someone cared about them. Recently, because of budget cuts in the county, it has gotten a lot harder to be a Public Defender. We make almost twice as much in the daily practice then we get paid by the state for defending. And since the cuts, they are trying to lump too much together so that my boss has to go to court twice a week instead of once a month. It has been hell to try to keep up on the daily practice and going to court every other day. So yesterday, after we got three new appointments from the court, my boss decided to quit being a Public Defender. And he has also decided that he is retiring at the end of the year. SAD!!!!! First take away my favorite part of my job then, take the job away all together at the end of the year. I'm not really worried about finding a new job. I will be fine. But the Defendants? I just don't know if they will get the same attention form another attorney.

Being Left Behind

I have been the single friend for as long as I can remember. It really isn't by choice, just the result of incredibly high standards for myself and my future partner. I have seen all my friends break up and get back together, and break up and find something new. It sill scares the shit out of me. I have seen the pain in their hearts after a bad break up. And the joy in their eyes at the prospect of someone special.  But there is one thing I will never get used to. Being left behind. When all of your friends are in a relationship and you are still single. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. Not because they are happy but because you are not. You are all alone. And it's pushed in your face when ever you hang out with your happy friends. Being left behind when you spent all this time with your friends almost feels like a break up. When your best friend in the entire world finds a new best friend it sucks. It makes me want to go out and just find the first guy I see and marry him. Life has a funny way of pointing out your flaws and mine is that I'm picky. I know there is someone out there for me but it taking a really long time to find him. So I just need to make some more single friends so I can have fun again.

Seminars

Today I went to a seminar for a popular accounting software. I had to wake up at five, dressed up nice, put make-up on because "you never know", drive for an hour and a half through rush hour. Here are some of my notes:
Got here way too early.

Woo hoo free coffee!

Good Lord this is awfully boring. There are so many rules. Teacher has a very thick Chicago accent, very distracting. My ADD is not helping, keep singing songs in my head.

I have to pee so bad, why did I drink so much coffee?

I'm pretty sure the lady behind me has the swine flu.

I'm pretty sure my kidneys are shutting down. My bladder has officially gone numb, not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.

Missing important info because I have to pee so very bad.
When is break already!

Finally break time, first one out, skinny Asian lady on my heels says "I've been waiting forever, I drank too much coffee!" and I have a new friend.

Against my better judgement I get more coffee.
I'm pretty sure the lady behind me has some sort of zombie disease and is infecting us all.

Lunch!

Starbucks free WiFi!
Back in class, seriously so bored! Teacher laughing at her own jokes that aren't funny.

Lady behind me breathing my air.

Oh, some actual interesting stuff.
Blah, blah, blah.
More interesting useful stuff.

Teacher promoting more seminars.

Doodling on my notepad, cats, dogs, flowers, etc.

Still promoting, people asking stupid questions.

Goodness gracious stop talking lady!

Lady behind me thinks its funny when I cringe after she coughs all over me.

Definitely showering when I get home, and there will be airborne, oh yes.

Done!

Best part is... it's a two day seminar! If that lady sits behind me tomorrow, I am gonna punch her in the throat.

The real reason for my blog

My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when she was 56 years old. It was one if the youngest cases the doctors had seen. My aunt was my dad's twin sister. I have a lot of ideas how she ended up with the disease. But one of the most prominent ones was that she just always seemed unhappy. I believe that she left her depression untreated and it led down a path straight to the disease which took her life two years ago. It really scares me. For a little background, my aunt and I did not really get along. I had ADD and didn't do well in school and she thought that was just awful. Those things were important to her. She pushed her kids so hard to get good grades and get higher education that I feel it might have pushed them away. She thought I was a bad influence on my younger cousin. She didn't like me around. But she was my family so I respected her. After my grandparents died she was put in charge of their estate. I was twelve but that was when I noticed something was wrong. She was confused a lot more than usual. She had a hard time with the process of the probate. Three years later she was at the mall and she started to panic because she didn't know where she was. Mall security called an ambulance, shortly later we found out the diagnosis. I don't want to forget. I have so much to remember sometimes. And sometimes I find it difficult to remember. At this point I know I'm just paranoid. So this is something to help me remember if I ever do forget.

Cinco De Mayo?

So I am not of Mexican descent. But I am 26. So the fact that I did absolutely nothing yesterday bothers me a slightly. There are a number of reasons that I didn't celebrate the Mexican Holiday.
1. My favorite bar is a Mexican bar, and they were going to charge a cover. WHAT? I'm not spending five dollars when I can go any other day of the year and not pay to get in.
2. I don't really drink anymore. I guess the real answer is I never really did. I am too much of a control freak to let myself get out of control. That's why I have made myself the go-to Designated Driver.
3. It was a Thursday night and even though I don't work on Fridays, it's my favorite night for TV. On Thursdays I always go to my friend's house for TV night. When she was single, she would watch as much TV as I did but now her boyfriend lives with her and looks down on the fact that people watch TV and even though it pisses me off when people do that, it is her choice to comply with him. So I still go over there so she can watch one night of TV an week.
4. Again, I'm not Mexican, not that I have a problem with Mexicans, I have a great respect for them and their traditions.
5. I was worried about driving home on a night when I know there will be a lot more drunk people on the roads.

But it still bothers me that when I was younger, I would take any excuse to go out and have fun. And now I feel that I am growing up and it SUCKS! I never wanted to grow up in the first place. So I'm a little depressed today because I am getting old and I know I really shouldn't bitch at such a young age but the fact still remains that I will never be 25 again or 21 for that matter.

Strage Reactions

I told one of my very best friends today that I started blogging. I felt like her reaction was strange. She said "I don't know if I'm OK with that". It was strange not because I didn't feel supported but because I understood. I told her my blog is pretty much completely anonymous. I can understand why she wouldn't want me to talk about her and her life. But it just so happens that she is a part of my life and for some odd reason I have decided to share my life with random people. She shouldn't worry though because there is no reason why I would make her look bad in any light. In my third blog post ever I am already contemplating the idea of deleting it. I won't though because I have built up this really strong, high, wall for my family and friends to break though. They still don't know the real me. I don't know how I got to be this way. But I keep everything to myself. I do not tell anyone how I really feel. I'm so incredibly secretive that it scares me. So I've decided to journal and instead of journaling, I feel that I can post things on my blog and tell my secrets to complete strangers. Because I don't really give a shit how complete strangers feel about me. Maybe in the long run I'll be able to tell people I really do care about how I feel and who I am. But for now its all on you.

I LOVE TV!!! but it might be ruining my life...

I'm pretty sure I have some sort of OCD or other obsessive personality gene because I tend to obsess. For example, I like things neat and tidy. Except for my own house or, in particular, my car. My car is filthy. It's the one place I let get filthy. I also obsess about going to the doctor. I never go. I hate the doctor which is pretty funny because my doctor is a close friend. I housesit for her all the time. I just don't want to find out what is really wrong with me. I have self diagnosed myself with a number of disorders and diseases that I most likely do not have. I don't really have much of a personal life so I watch TV. Lately, my new obsession is In Plain Sight. I always saw commercials for it and knew I would love it. But I was already obsessed with too many TV shows and didn't want to put any more on my plate. Then netflix changed my life. I can take a lazy day and turn it into an obsession marathon. I've watched 24 episodes in the last five days. And I have a job. So really I've just let it affect my sleep because I stay up way too late. I think my main problem with this is that I am a hopeless romantic and always root for any type of law enforcement partners to end up together in the end. I want Mary and Marshall together so bad. I have this problem with all sort of TV shows, Bones, CSI, Psych, the Mentalist, really the only exception would be Law and Order: SVU because that would ruin the dynamic of Elliot and Olivia. I think it might be ruining my life because of the aforementioned fantasy world. I just expect some good looking man to come sweep me off my feet. I want the passion of these characters and I'm afraid it might not exist in real life. I haven't really seen it in the real world. Except for my parents. They are my only glittering piece of hope. They have their problems but they truly love each other with passion. I'll just sit here and wait for my own version of that.

I Live in a Fantasy World...

So I'm going to start off by saying that I live in a Fantasy world. I don't particularly like the world that I have grown up in. I love that I'm an American and all that BS but I would really just like to live in my little secluded part in my brain that is all rainbows and puppies. I hate the media because its never any good news so I just make shit up in my head and ignore the drama in society. I'm a little crazy in that sense. I am crazy in a lot of ways but that is why I hate society and the ways they decide what normal is. I'm not good at pretending that I am normal, so I don't.

Now that I gotten that out of the way let's talk about something more positive.

Oh crap...
 I can't think of anything.

Umm...

Netflix is a postive thing. I'm going to go watch a tv show without commercials and get back later.